I am not going to do what I did last weekend, I can promise you that. I am going to use this weekend as a "learning weekend" and I'm going to prove to myself that life can get in the way and I can still succeed.

Today was a crazy day. I took my daughter to school and started running. Days like this are tough for me. I have a ton of errands to do in 3 hours. It is so much easier to run in and out of stores when Ella is in school. However, I don't always take the time to eat. I had my go to breakfast of 2 egg whites, a high fiber English Muffin and a banana around 10 am. By the time I got to the school to pick her up, it was 3:30 and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I was starving.

When I get like that, I think about all the things I want to eat. Pizza, cheeseburgers etc. I even called my husband and told him Ella and I were ordering pizza for dinner because he was going out with a friend. I justified it in my head saying that I still had 24 points left in the day and how bad could an innocent pizza be?

Then I started thinking about the last time I wanted to "cheat" and how proud I was of myself when I didn't do it. I remember telling myself that I still feel good (and full) after eating a healthy meal as I do when I eat "badly." I also remembered last weekend and the company coming from out of town, and how it took me ALL WEEK to get back to my "pre company" weight. A WEEK?!??!?! I asked myself if I wanted to repeat the week. If I had the pizza tonight and ate at Ella's birthday party on Sunday, I would most likely throw in the towel tomorrow too. I could potentially blow a whole weekend and end up gaining a few pounds this weekend.

I realized how silly that was. I realized how good it felt and how proud of myself I'd be if I just stood my ground and stuck with my plan. I stopped at the grocery store, bought some mushroom and make myself a very tasty shrimp stir fry. 9 points total. I feel full and proud of myself for not giving into my emotions.

This is always a tough time of the month for me. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant with no success for about 2 years now. My period is due on Monday, so these last few days of waiting are always hard. I know one reason I overeat is because we have been unable to get pregnant. It makes me feel like a failure and it's an emotional roller coaster every month. I am very thankful that I was able to get pregnant with Ella and that she's healthy and the absolute love of my life. I still get a little sad that, so far, I have been unable to give her a sibling. I also feel like time is running out. I told myself that I wouldn't keep trying after I turned 40. I turned 41 last September. I don't have it in me to give up yet, but the clock is ticking. I'm not as focused on this as I was when I was trying to get pregnant with Ella, but it still hurts every month when I realize we've failed again. At least I get to focus on the party this weekend and have my mind occupied with that.