Well, spring has not sprung where I live because it snowed here last night. I am SICK of the snow but hopefully this will be the last time.
Things have certainly changed since my last update. Tomorrow it will be six weeks since I was fired from my job. I have never been fired before and let me tell you, it's no fun. I just am SO thankful that we do not need my income to pay most of the bills. Yes, we have to tighten our belts now, but it's manageable. It is such a mind F*ck when you are fired. I had self esteem issues well before I got the job, but being fired just feeds into all of my insecurities. I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough, etc. When it comes down to it, it was just personality conflicts between my boss and I. We had a very hard time communicating because he could not say what he meant. So I would have to figure it out, and most times I was wrong. I know in the end it was good because I was miserable, but it still hurts even today. I do have a job interview on Tuesday so hopefully this will boost my confidence a bit. I am looking for part time work and that is hard to find, so I have only sent in my resume to two places in the last six weeks. But I know that eventually I will land where I need to land.
I have also been in therapy for over a year now. My therapist has started a group for people with eating issues. Once a month we meet and she talks about eating and why we eat and what we can do to stop eating etc. My whole view of food has changed. My ideas about "dieting" have changed. There is just too much to say about all I have learned, but right now I am practicing "intuitive eating." I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Gee, what a concept. But, when I stop and think about why I'm eating and what I'm eating, it's pretty eye opening. Most times I ate I wasn't really hungry. And when I was, I ate WAY more then I needed too.
I think I hit a wall about a month or so ago. I was almost at my highest weight and nothing I was doing was working as far as dieting goes. I was just done. Done with counting carbs, calories, eating this but not that. I was just tired and overwhelmed. So when my therapist suggested intuitive eating, I thought "why not?" why not try it because nothing I was doing was working.
So I can up with a plan. My goal is to lose 5 pounds a month. Seems totally doable right? But, when you are going through menopause and every pound you lose is like losing three (according to my doctor) then keeping it simple and doable seems like the right thing to do. I started the second week of March. I have lost 5 pounds. I am THRILLED with that. I am thrilled because I'm not "dieting" I am thinking about what I'm eating and why I'm eating and when I'm eating.
If I can continue down this path I will have lost 45 pounds by December 31. The time will pass anyway so if I do it slowly and not to painfully, I can actually succeed this time. I listen to this podcast by Phit n phat. I LOVE her. She cusses and is funny as heck but so realistic. I don't want to lose this weight again. I want to lose it ONE time and be done with this. I have worried about my weight and dieted for 35 years and I sick to death of it. I'm taking the simple and common sense approach this time. Will it take longer? Yes it will. But, I'd rather take two years to do it right so I never have to do it again.
