Back to the gym

Yesterday was my first work out in I don't know how long. I was shocked at how much cardio endurance I have lost. I am not beating myself up, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. I feel like I am back at square one. I could only do 10 mins on one of my favorite machines that 2 months ago I was on for 45 mins minimum. It's kind of like an elliptical machine that I just love to do. Yesterday was hard.

I wish I could say I'm at the bottom and will just work my way up. I wish I could feel really positive about going back and working out. I just feel defeated right now. Like I have wasted all that progress I had made. So, I guess I am beating myself up a little. I know how hard it was to build up that muscles and cardio endurance before. I honestly thought I'd be behind a little, but not as much as I so obviously am.

I was going to take the day off today but my daughter really wants to go play at the gym today so I'm going. I guess all I can do is take it one day at a time. We all want instant results. It just doesn't happen that way. It takes hard, hard work to get to where we want to be.

I don't really have a choice right now. I have to get back in shape. I will have a much harder and longer labor if my cardio endurance isn't what it should be. I still have a lot of time though. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself will not do a damn thing. I'm going to go to the gym today and give it 100%. I'm going to use that machine and try to stay on for 15 minutes. I'm going to push myself more and more each day and before I know it I will be back where I was and feeling great.

Goal reached

I did it. I "only" gained 3.5 lbs during my vacation! My goal was to gain less than 5 and I did! I'm really happy about that. With all the food I ate 3.5 is a good number. When you have the Disney dining plan, you get dessert with your "counter service" meal and your "sit down" meal which means 2 desserts a day. I do have to hand it to Disney, they are adding more fruits and veggies to their meals. They are also trying to steer kids in a healthy direction with their meals as well. They include veggies and fruits and if you want a cookie or fries, you can substitute that but you have to ask for it. It's much better than it used to be.

Tomorrow I am heading back to the gym. I have a HUGE blister on my foot so I'm going to take today off. I actually did a LOT of walking while I was in Disney. I was sore every morning so the slower walking I did helped with the weight gain as well.

Today is my "getting back on track" day. I just want to get all the dirty clothes washed and everything put away. Tomorrow I am going to try to sit down and work out my 2000 calorie diet. I think for the first week or two I will need to write down everything I will eat until I get it in my brain what 2000 calories a day feels like. I know it's totally doable, I just need to find out what foods are how many calories. I've been counting points for so long and I haven't been keeping track of calories.

I also feel 100% better as far as the nausea goes. That is gone for good and not coming back. I'm feeling optimistic about being healthy from here on out with this pregnancy. I do have a few more trips scheduled, but it's not an all inclusive type thing like it was with Disney. I will have much more control over what I eat and when I eat it.

I have a great time but I'm glad to be back and feeling like I will get back on track 100% in just a day or two. It feels good to be in control and optimistic about my health right now.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go!! I'm SO EXCITED!

When I woke up this morning I thought "What's better? Waking up and knowing Santa has come or knowing that in a few hours you will be on a plane to Disney World?" I'm still trying to figure out the answer!

I weighed myself this morning and my official goal for this trip is not to gain 5 lbs like last time. I will be happy with anything under 5. I know I will do a lot of walking although it probably won't be at a fast pace. I'm not even taking work out clothes because I know that won't happen. My only hope to not gain weight is what I eat and I'm going in with a good attitude.

Have a great week and I'll post when I get back!

I worked out once this week. I could sit here and beat myself up for not doing more, but I'm not gonna do that. One is better than none and I have been extremely busy. I have been eating really healthy so at least I'm not eating badly and not working out. I'm ok with this.

I'm reading one of those touchy feeley books about how diets don't work and we just need to be nice to ourselves. While I do agree with some of it, I don't know if just being nice to myself will help me all that much. But, thinking about it, I do have a lot of negative chatter in my head. Beating myself up and telling myself I'm not good enough and I'm not doing enough certainly doesn't help me. From now on I'm just going to accept what I do and do the best I can.

I had my OB appt yesterday. I am SO HAPPY to report that I only gained ONE pound over this past month. 10 total for my first trimester, but only one in this past month. I asked my doctor about giving me a diet and she did. It's a 2000 calorie diet that is basically low carb. I am going to start it when I get back from Disney. I am not even going to think about it before then. I know I'm not going to follow a diet while I'm gone so I'm just going to have a good time and not go too crazy with my eating. At least I will be walking everyday.

I am a third done with this pregnancy and for the first time I know I will be able to get through this without gaining a ton of weight. I feel so good about that realization. I will eat enough to nourish me and my baby but I won't fall into the whole "Eating for two" myth. The baby is about 3" long by now. There is no way a fetus that small can need as much nourishment as a person. Actually, it's only about an extra 200 calories a day. I can do that. I can do this. OMG, I'm going to be a mom again! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!

The first picture shows the hand up by the face (the white blob just floating there) The second picture is the "alien baby" photo. My daughter looked the same way. Don't know if you can see it on your computer, but you can actually see the brain above the eyes. Incredible! So, do you think it's a boy or a girl? LOL

I'm sitting on the couch last night, watching tv like I normally do and suddenly it hit me- OMG, I have not felt nausea at all today! Not one little tiny bit. I almost feel "normal!" You don't know how happy this has made me. About a month ago the nausea got much better, but every night I could still feel it. Something was off and I just didn't feel good. NOT ANYMORE! YIPPEEEE!!!!!

Tonight for dinner I made my beloved stir fry. I haven't had that, and actually enjoyed it for such a long time. I'm starting to think about eating much healthier. Eating to fuel my body instead of trying to make myself feel better when feeling so sick.

I've also been extremely tired. I just chalked it up to being pregnant. However, I realized that maybe my sleep apnea has returned. I lost over 30 lbs and didn't have sleep apnea anymore. I was able to stop using my CPAP machine. But, since I've gained almost 10 lbs, maybe I'm having trouble breathing at night again. I've also been waking up with horrible headaches, which again, I've chalked up to being pregnant. Now I am starting to realize that I need to wear the machine again. I've tried the last few nights but I get up at night and take it off. If I could just get a whole night under my belt I could determine if it's the sleep apnea or pregnancy. I'll keep trying until I get a full night with the machine on.

As far as my mojo, I think it's coming back tomorrow. My daughter is going back to school and I'm heading to the gym. I should be able to get 4 days in this week. I just need to move again. I feel so crappy not doing anything. I'm sore and just feel all around bad. Emotionally and physically.

I still have not hooked up my scanner. I have to clear off my desk and figure out how to hook it up. I will do it this week. I am dying to post the pics of the baby. It is just amazing how much you can see even though he or she is only 12 weeks old. It truly is a miracle.

I've been waiting to post because I need to hook up my scanner to post the picture of my ultrasound I got on Tuesday. I realized that that may not happen this week so I'm going to post anyway.

I got my ultrasound and everything looked fine to me. I was so strange to see the baby moving around inside of me and not feel a thing. The baby is 6 mm from head to rump but has all of it's little body parts. He/she even held it's hand up as if it say "Hi mom" What an awesome experience! It makes me feel more excited now. Up until this point I have just felt sick, but now that I see that little baby I see what I'm doing all this for.

Now for the bad news. I realized last night that I lost my mojo. It's gone and I'm afraid I won't be able to find it again. For so long I was going to the gym and enjoying it. I would work out hard and push my body and really started loving it.

I haven't gone to the gym in over 2 weeks and have zero desire to start. At this point, I have to force myself like I did last time. I have to just go and fake it until I make it. It worked before and it will work again. However, we are going to Disney soon so I don't want to take my daughter to the daycare. I don't want her to get sick for our vacation.

So, not only do I have to force myself to work out, I have to force myself to work out in my basement. Ugh. I guess my best option is to work out while my daughter is in school. That way I can do it with no distractions and interruptions. I just feel like I am looking up this huge mountain, knowing I have to climb up it and no desire to do so. I hate feeling like this. I wish I would have never stopped but felt so bad physically I just couldn't do it. I know I can do this, I just don't want to.

I have been feeling GREAT this whole week. Almost no nausea and the weather has been beautiful. According to my car, we hit 80 today! Can life get any better?

I have not been to the gym. My daughter has a nasty cough and I know they do not want her in the daycare. She is on antibiotics for a sinus infection. I hope to be back next week. My niece will be staying with me for the whole week so she can babysit while I go to the gym.

This weekend is going to be a struggle as far as my eating goes. I'm making a big Easter dinner. I'm making ham, macaroni and cheese, twice baked potato bake thing, roll and corn. I'm also making this dessert that is TO DIE FOR! It's a Paula Dean recipe so that tells you that it is anything but healthy. My SIL and BIL arrive from VA tomorrow and that is why I'm making so much food. Normally we would go out to eat but with the family being here it just made sense to make a big dinner. I love cooking and like to take these opportunities to go all out.

I hope everyone has a safe and healthy Easter weekend! Don't eat too much and hopefully I will be back next week reporting on my great workouts and how much my diet has improved!