Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I have been floundering these past few weeks. Last week was really strange. I did nothing as far as diet and/or exercise and I lost 2 pounds. I was kind of mad about that. I can diet and exercise my ass off and not lose weight and I do nothing and lose weight. It's the randomness that makes me mad. You'd think with hard work and exercise it's a no brainer, the weight would come off.

I have no real reason for floundering except for being busy. My daughter's last day of school was yesterday so I was busy with the end of the year stuff. Tonight is graduation and tomorrow is the picnic and then I really have no excuses.

I still like the 17 day diet as far as easiness to follow. I seem to do well on diets that are easy to follow and don't take much thought.

I was thinking this morning that until I learn to incorporate healthy eating into my daily life I will never be where I want to be. I was contemplating eating something not healthy this morning because I'm not following a plan or anything right now. It just dawned on me that I will not have success until I stop thinking this way. I need to learn that ANY healthy eating is good eating, no matter what diet I'm on.

I can't tell you how many times I think "Well, today is shot anyway so why not just have that pizza?" I should be thinking "I haven't made such good choices today so I should eat something healthy for dinner." WHY is this so hard to do? Honestly!??!!? I am not stupid. I know this stuff. I know how to lose weight. I know how to diet. WHY do I make this so difficult in my mind?

I really think that if I can get my thinking right, the weight will just come off. I have the knowledge to lose weight. I just need to follow through with it.

I'm just not feeling it right now. I want to lose the weight. My reunion is fast approaching. For some reason I just don't care right now. I know I will be kicking myself in a few weeks. But, I also have only gained about 2-3 pounds back. I haven't completely thrown in the towel. I am trying to be good here and there. I could be doing so much better though.

Sorry about the randomness of this post. I go in thinking that if I can write about my issues I can fix them. I don't have any great insight to share today. I wish this was easier. I wish I could just want to eat good and be healthy. Sigh..........

Thursday, May 12, 2011

When we plan, God laughs

Well, my diet has been non existent since Monday. I was going along great on the 17 day diet (cycle 1) and then the baby got sick.

She's been under the weather for a while now but at the end of last week she got worse. I took her to the doctor on Friday and she said to just wait to see what happens. They don't want to give antibiotics as much anymore. If you give the wrong one, you can mask a condition that might be more serious. Anyway, she got worse and by Monday her fever was 104.

We went to the doctor on Monday morning and she advised us that Macy had to go into the hospital. She had an infection that required IV antibiotics. Talk about being scared out of my mind. I just started crying at the doctors office. She felt so bad for me. As she's trying to explain what was going on I was just crying.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we were in the hospital until yesterday. The antibiotics did their job and she is much better today. We still have some tests to do to find out why she got the infection in the first place, but she is MUCH better today.

So, I did learn one thing through all of this. I was laying in the hospital bed with Macy and looking up at the IV thinking "I don't want to go out this way" I don't want to die and have the last thing I see an IV bag and a hospital room ceiling when I die. Basically, all the crap and bullshit I complain about doesn't mean shit. I'm sorry, it's true.

When you get down to basics, your health is the ONLY thing you should be concerned about. If you don't have that, NOTHING else matter. I'm ready to get HEALTHY. Not skinny, not a number on the scale. Just good health.

I have more to say but the baby is crying. I will finish this thought in my next post!