Pluggin' along

I seriously cannot believe it has been over six months since I have written anything. I think about it a lot, but then never get around to it.

Over the past year I have lost 35 pounds and for the most part kept it off. I still have another 50 to go, but I keep telling myself that I have lost weight and kept it off.  It's not coming off nearly as fast as I thought it would, but I have to realize that I haven't gained any weight in a year. That's something to celebrate.

To say there are times when I am seriously struggling would be an understatement. However, I am very happy that I haven't given up. I also know that my thinking has finally changed. I don't eat and eat and eat without thinking about what I am doing. If I have a bad day, I get right back on track the next day.

I also did something that I said I wouldn't do. Four weeks ago I joined Weight Watchers. I just couldn't seem to lose anymore weight and I was stuck for months. There is nothing more frustrating then thinking you are doing everything right and not seeing a smaller number on the scale. There were many days when I just wanted to give up and I'd think "I just want to stay fat. It's so much easier." I never gave into that for more then a few hours, but the thought is there.

Before joining WW I gained about 5 pounds of the 35 I lost. In the first 2 weeks of WW I lost that 5 pounds and then some.  However, since then I have been on 2 weekend trips that have really screwed me up. I can't seem to control my eating when I'm not in the safe bubble of my own home.

My plan is to get back on track and track everything that I put into my mouth. I will start that tomorrow and keep doing it. I find that I am successful when I actually look up and track the points of everything.  I love the ap where I can scan my foods and they automatically track them for me.

I just want to lose this weight and figure out how to maintain the loss. I think about all the years I said "This will be the year I lose the weight for good." I'm sick and tired of doing that. I finally think that mentally I am in that place where I can actually do it. I've been going to the gym at least 3-4 times a week. Now I just need to get my eating under control the majority of the time. I SO want to be in onderland. I haven't been there in years and it's my first big goal.

If anyone is still reading this, I will start writing more often. It  helps me to write out what's going on. With 2 kids it's hard to do it, but I have to make it a priority.

Still making progress

It's been a few weeks since I've written. I am happy to report that I have lost 31 pounds since I started. But boy this has been a hard journey. It's coming off much slower then it ever has and it just seems like every day is a struggle.

I saw my doctor last week for a physical and I found out that I am pre diabetic. If I was not on my weight loss journey already I would have been really bummed. But, since I've lost 31 pounds already I know I am well on my way to not being a diabetic. She told me the numbers were high last year (I don't know the technical terms for "the numbers").  I guess if you have high numbers you will be diabetic in 3-5 years.  I am very thankful that i have time to correct this, but at the same time I think I've worked so hard to lose this weight that I should be healthy NOW!

I don't want to sound like Debbie Downer but I also made a goal for myself that I would be able to wear my wedding ring by Feb 9. I don't think I will hit that goal and I am so sad about that. I know I am doing well, and I will continue to do so, but I have set goals for myself that I won't hit and that makes me angry at myself.

I think what makes me sad is that fact that I'm getting older and what I used to be able to do to lose weight doesn't work as well now.  I don't feel 47. I feel like I should be in my 30's. I'm trying to be thankful for everything I've done, but at the same time I'm mad that I can do the same things I used to be able to do and not get the same results.

My new goal is to be the in 220's next week. I have been working out A LOT more so I'm pretty confident I will hit it. Not, I'm not confident I am SURE I WILL hit my goal. Period.