Friday, July 12, 2013

Once again it's been a while since I've posted. Summers are hard with the kids being home all day, but I think it's about half way done so soon my daughter will be back to school and life as I know it will be "normal."

I've done a lot of thinking about my health lately. Like I might have posted before, I have heard of quite a few younger friends getting sick with cancer. Then one night I was thinking about a blog I used to read by The Token Fat girl. I went to her blog and it hadn't been updated for a while. I dug a little deeper and found out that the day after her 30th birthday she passed away. She was getting off a treadmill at the gym and had a heart attack. What a shock! It's amazing to me how easily it is to get to know someone from reading their blog. I felt so sad for a few days and realized that I'm almost 15 years older then she was when she died. I think learning about Lorri's death on top of finding out about friends who are sick finally kicked my butt in gear.

I LOVE the show "Extreme Weight loss" I love it because they give these people the tools to lose weight and follow them over a years time. They lose TONS of weight and they do it (mostly) in a healthy and sensible way. I decided to buy the book that Chris Powell (the trainer from the show) wrote about carb cycling. To make a long story short, I started the diet on Monday and I've lost 5.5 pounds this week. I'm thrilled with the results.

Week #1 of any diet is generally easy for me because of the motivation any new diet creates. Next week will be a challenge. I have lied to myself so many times ("I'll start my diet on Monday" or "This cookie isn't really cheating, it's just one" etc) that I don't trust myself anymore. I have a voice inside my head saying I can't do this and I've been on so many diets in the past why do I think this one will work? I'm doing my best to tell that voice to shut the hell up. That I can do this and I WILL do this.

I think one thing that is helping me (and I've written about this before) is when I see shows like Biggest Loser, I think those people have something I don't. Some extra special something that makes it possible for them to lose weight. But, after watching Extreme Weight Loss, I've seen women just like me. There was a mom on last week who said "I always meant to take care of my weight problem before my kids turned 1 but just never did" I have said that! I have always said I didn't want my kids to remember having a fat mom. It's too late for the 7 year old but not the 2 year old.

I am hopeful that this time will be different. I feel different this time. I hesitate to get all pumped up on here and say "I'm doing this" or "Nothing is going to stop me" because I've said all of that before. What I can say is, I'm mindful of my feelings and trying hard to not let the negative crap come through. I'm also going to take it day by day and instead of looking at the total I need to lose, take it in small chunks. There are a lot of things I'm going to do differently this time. But mostly I'm going to be kind to myself and realize that if I had a bad meal or a bad day, that I can't just quit and "start Monday." I have to pick myself up, dust myself off and get right back on it.

I feel like I'm running out of time. I am going to be 45 in September. I remember telling myself that I don't want to go into my 40's being overweight. Well, that didn't happen. But maybe, just maybe I can go into my 45th year a healthier version of myself.