I was watching Ruby over the weekend. I like the show although she is hardly an inspiration to me. She has been failing miserably with her weight loss. If anything, it just shows how hard it is. She has an excellent team surrounding her and she still can't seem to stay on track. I do feel for her because we are similar in a lot of ways and I know how she feels. Anyway, on the last show I watched her therapist talked about how Ruby lies to herself. How she makes herself feel better saying things like "Well, I'm not doing that badly" or "I can do the diet this way, because I know what I'm doing."
There's a name for what she does, but I can't for the life of me remember it. Anyway, I do that all the time. I tell myself that these diets aren't working. I don't tell myself to look at what I'm actually doing to see that the diet is just fine, it's ME who's not following it the way I should be. I can justify anything away.
-I don't work out because of the baby.
-I can have a "cheat day" and it won't hurt my diet efforts.
-I don't have time to do a proper diet.
The list goes on and on. I constantly let myself off the hook. I constantly lie to myself. Instead of holding myself accountable for my actions, I make up little lies in head to make it all ok. My one friend calls them excuses, I call them lies. What is the difference? I'm trying to fool myself and at the time it works. But, then when the numbers on the scale say something different, I get mad and quit.
If my daughter had a health problem that required a certain diet, I'd be damn sure to get it done. I'd make the time to prepare whatever needed to be prepared. I'd make the time for anyone else in my family. Why can't I do that for myself? I need to take better care of their mother so I will be around for them when they need me. My mother wasn't around for me. I know how hard it is growing up without a parent. I need to make myself a priority again.
So, the 17 day diet it is. I wanted to do it again because I feel good physically when I'm on it. I have an awful problem with acid reflux and it doesn't bother me when I'm on this diet. I'm giving it a real shot this time. It can be time consuming preparing the foods and planning the meals, but what diet isn't? I've got to make this work. I've got 3 months until my high school reunion. I've still got time to make a real difference in my weight if I do it now. No more excuses.