Sunday, October 28, 2012

I have been stagnate for a while now. I am doing great with working out and not so great with my eating. There's a few factors at play there. I've been having some issues with my husband and food makes it all better. Either that or shopping. Eating is cheaper.

I actually started therapy 2 weeks ago. I have lots of issues to work on but right now we are starting on low self esteem and my weight. We haven't gotten into the weight issue a ton yet, but I'm looking forward to fixing what's in my head so I can stop stuffing my face.

I am optimistic that this week will be the beginning of a healthy lifestyle. I am starting training with a trainer at the gym and I am also investing in a heart rate monitor and watch. This will give me 12 weeks of weight loss work outs which will take me through the holidays.

One of the reasons I haven't been going to the gym is my 2 year old. She still cries when I put her in the daycare. It is frustrating for me because I start out each work out feeling guilty for leaving a crying baby in the daycare. But, I also know in my heart that I need to make time for ME so I can be a good mom for her. It's such a struggle each day. Having that as an excuse has kept me from going at times. It is so frustrating to want to go  but that guilt creeps in and I just don't want to put her through that.

I just want to come on here and say I've done so great and I've lost 20 pounds and all is well. Unfortunately it's not like that. Life gets in the way and knocks us off track and at times it's very hard to get back on track. But, I will say that I'm still trying. As long as I have a breath in my body I will try to be be healthy. I want to live for my girls. I grew up without a mom and I refuse to do that to them. So as long as I keep trying I think that's a success regardless if I lose weight or not.