Wednesday, May 30, 2012

I have been doing pretty well with my diet and I'm getting back into exercising slowly. Last week I finally took the baby to the gym. The first day she cried on and off while she was in the daycare, but not enough for them to call me out. The second day was much of the same. She survived but didn't love it. That night is when she got the fever. That was on a Tuesday and by Thursday night her fever had reached 105 and we had to take her to urgent care. They did some tests and couldn't find the source of the infection so they sent us to the hospital. Talk about scary!

They had to draw some blood, catheterize her for urine and take a chest X-ray. About 2:00 AM (the baby was still awake and VERY crabby) the doctor came in and said they couldn't find anything wrong with her so it must have been a virus she picked up. Damn. So of course my husband is once again saying he doesn't want me to take her to the gym daycare. I can totally understand his concern, but damn.... What am I supposed to do? If I take her to the gym I am a terrible mother who doesn't care if she gets sick. If I don't take her to the gym, I can't work out nearly as effectively.

The other solution is going to the gym after my husband gets home from work. This is something I don't really want to do because when my husband is home with the kids, he watches the kids. Period. He doesn't do anything else like clean up dishes from dinner or clean the house. Right now when he comes home from work that's generally my time to catch up on things. If I go to the gym, that time is gone and my house will turn into a pig sty. Honestly, I am  not a neat freak by any means, but 2 kids and a husband can quickly turn my house into a total mess.

Yesterday and today I did walk on my treadmill in my basement for exercise. It is a good work out, but I'm afraid if that's all I do my body will get used to it and it won't be as effective. But, as of right now this is my best option until I can figure something else out. I need to sit down with my husband and come up with a schedule. Some nights I can go to the gym when he gets home and other days I can work out in my basement. One positive thing about this is if I don't need the daycare at the gym, I can switch to a cheaper gym. Right now I go to the most expensive one in town, but it was worth it for the daycare.

I will keep my membership for at least another month because I have 3 training sessions left with the trainer and I want to get those done. She can start getting me on the right track as far as strength goes.

I also realized something today that made me very happy. Since Jan 1 I have lost 17 pounds. I knew I had lost weight, but I didn't think it was that much. If I lose 40 by the end of the year I will be ecstatic. I am half way there and June is just in a few days. It feels really good to know I am half way through the year and I've actually accomplished something. Usually I am just disappointed in my progress, but 17 pounds isn't that bad at all.

I can figure out how to get this done as far as working out goes. I don't have a choice. I wish it didn't get so hot here in the Summer or I could walk outside. I just have to find the perfect combination of what works and make myself do it. I am actually to the point right now where I don't hate exercise. I don't love it, but I can get through a work out and not count down the seconds until I'm done. That's something right?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

I am very happy to report that I am back on track....again. I hesitate to say that because geez, how many times can I get "back on track?" I get tired of hearing myself say that.

Last week I met with the trainer at the gym for my first session. It really turned out to be a nutrition lesson, which I badly needed. I found out I was doing a few things wrong, that I thought were actually healthy. It just so happened that the day I had the training, the gym was offering a free seminar on carbs, so I went to that as well. Wow, those guys do not like carbs! I don't know that I can go as far as they want people to go (only one serving of "bad" carbs a day) but I did realize that I eat way too many carbs. I also eat them at the wrong time of day.

One thing I liked to do was eat some fruit before working out. Turns out that is not a good time to eat fruit. If you eat fruit before working out, your body burns off the sugar from the fruit during your work out instead of fat. I want to teach my body to burn fat so I should eat protein before working out. These guys said people should not eat carbs for breakfast or lunch. If you have to eat the "bad carbs" (i.e. rice, potatoes etc) eat one serving with dinner.

I also committed to my trainer that I would work out 5 days a week. Today is Thursday and so far I have stayed true to my commitment. I've kind of figured out how to get most of what I need to get done while the baby is up and then work out while she is napping. My struggle right now is that my treadmill is dying. I need a new one and I need to find one that will fit through the opening to our basement. My house is built so the doorway to the basement faces a wall. That makes it very difficult to move bigger objects into out basement. We are going to go look at one today and hopefully it will work.

I think it's finally starting to sink into my head that this will be a struggle for the rest of my life. I've always kind of hoped that I would lose the weight and be done with it. That's not gonna happen. So right now I am focusing on taking this one day at a time. When I start to look too far into the future, I stop myself and focus on today.

The trainer and I decided that we will meet again in a couple of week. She told me that I cannot exercise away a bad diet. I need to get my diet under control and then we will meet again and she will give me a work out tailored to me. That will also give me time to get the baby into the daycare in the gym. We have both been sick for over a week now so I haven't been able to take her. Hopefully next week we can go and I can start getting her used to it.

The final thing I will comment on is in talking with the trainer, I was embarrassed at how many excuses I rely on to get out of being healthy. Reasons why I can't eat healthy and reasons why I can't work out. She didn't want to come out and say it but I finally had to, that they are excuses and not valid reasons for not being healthy. I am working on not telling myself these excuses and believing them. I have to do this for me. I have to get healthy for my kids. I don't want to leave them like my mom left me. I have to be here for them and help them raise their kids. I can do this!!