My "company" is gone for the time being. They return on Monday for the day and then leave for good on Tuesday. To say this has been a stressful week would be an understatement. However, I have proven to myself that I can have company and not indulge in all the junk I provide for them. My niece is 13 and has a sweet tooth so I usually take the opportunity to have things in the house I don't normally have because there are only 3 of us. When they visit there are 5 of us so I can't eat 3 cinnamon rolls like I would if I were alone.

Although this week has been stressful, I have not turned to food to make me feel better. I have left the house. I went to the store last night and drove around to cool off because I was about to lose it. You'd think having a 13 year old around would be helpful with my 4 year old, but it turns out the 13 year old just thinks it's the funniest thing on earth to tease my 4 year old. Of course, a 4 year old will only take so much of this before she turns mean and gets really pissed off. I spent my week playing referee which was not fun at all. I have shopped, yelled, worked out and hidden in my room but I have not eaten the frustration away.

I have learned from Geneen's book that eating your feelings away will not rid you of those feelings. All it does it keep them at bay for a while. You can either continue eating to avoid feeling them or just feel them and get them over with. I have chosen the second option. I hated being mad and bitchy, but I'd rather do that then eat 1000 calories to try to make myself feel better. I guess it's all in figuring out what you'd rather feel. This week I chose to feel guilty for being a bitch than to hate myself for gaining weight.

Right now I feel proud of myself for not gaining any weight this week. I also feel proud of myself to making time to work out. I went to the gym twice and worked out at home once. All the things I've wished that I had done in the past when I had company I was able to do this time. I feel GREAT about that. It also helped reduce my stress. Working out does that for me. There are times I hate to do it, but I feel so good when it's done.

I've also decided I'm going to start dealing with "the voice." You know the one. That voice in your head that tells you you are stupid, or ugly or fat. I hear the Voice the most when I am standing in front of the mirror. It says "Look at that double chin" or "My God you look like crap today, How can you leave the house like that?" I have decided when I hear the Voice I'm going to say "FUCK YOU" out loud. I'm going to show the Voice it has no power over me and I don't believe it anymore. Why have I given the Voice any power in the past? Why do I believe it? I refuse to anymore. I'm going to start standing up for myself and start realizing how great my body actually is. My body has given me a beautiful baby girl and another one on the way. My body is perfect in my daughters eyes. I'm going to start seeing it that way myself. If any person came up to me and said the things I allow the Voice to say I would tell them to Fuck off. I'm going to start doing the same thing to the Voice. It's time to shut it up for good.