Friday, May 3, 2013

Once again I've neglected blogging because as I said before, no news is usually bad news. Well, I guess I shouldn't say "bad" news. Maintaining is never bad, but it isn't good either when you are trying to lose weight.

I've been less then half hearted at my attempt to be good lately. I'm just keeping myself extremely busy and I use that as an excuse. Also I had a sinus infection so the doctor prescribed an antibiotic that really messed up my stomach. It made me sick all the time so when I wanted food, it was certain foods, which were mainly unhealthy.

I just feel stuck lately. I don't get how when I'm doing good, I'm doing REALLY good. But, when I'm bad, I'm really bad. It's like there's no in between with me. I can't figure out why when I'm not good, I have to be so bad. This is so hard to explain, but it's like always being at one end of the spectrum. I feel like I can't ever be in the middle. I've either got to be doing badly and feel mad and unhappy or I'm being 100% healthy and ecstatic. Why can't I just "be" sometimes? I don't even know if this is making sense.

However, I do have some hope. Jillian Michaels (whom I LOVE) is touring the country right now. I got a ticket to see her next week. I follow her on Twitter and from what I have been reading it's an awesome show and it's very motivating and uplifting. I'm SO hoping this is the kick in the butt I need. I've got to figure this out. It's obviously a mental and emotional thing for me and I've got to figure out why I do what I do. Not that she will specifically address my concerns, but maybe she can say something to help me. I'll take any help at this point.

It's so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that weight and struggles will always be a part of my life. It will never be easy. I think I thought that I would just lose weight and be done with it but it's starting to sink in that this won't happen. Maybe that's part of it. Maybe a small part of me is asking "Why bother?" if it's always going to be hard, why bother?

I'm just a downer today. Sorry. If anyone is reading this, I'm sorry. LOL. I will write next week after seeing Jillian and be really pumped up and ready to go!

1 comment:

  1. I just read your blog and it describes how I feel today. Eating like crap and feeling down today. I either am good and feel great or eat crappy food and feel horrible. The last couple of days have been bad.

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