The reunion was bizarre to say the least. I've had 2 days to think about this and how I feel about it. I have been asking myself this question: Is it better to be made fun or or be invisible? I knew nobody would outright make fun of me. We are all adults and I know people are beyond that. However, I felt totally invisible the whole night. Not one person asked me what I did for a living. Only one person asked me where I live now.
When I was initially thinking about it, I felt ignored. But, thinking about it now for 2 days I realized that I was just invisible. I know I am mostly to blame for this. I am not the type of person who can walk up to a group and just jump into an ongoing conversation. I have always been shy and will most likely always have trouble speaking in a group. I just thought someone might come up to me to chat.
My BFF was with me and she's the one who would approach someone and start talking. I was kind of being her shadow and just followed along. The people would say hello to me and then turn to my friend and have a conversation with her and I just faded away.
Like I said it was bizarre. I have never felt so insignificant in my life. I'm not mad about it, I'm just sad. Sad that I'm not the type of person who can just walk up and talk to anyone. Sad for some people who cannot move on from the stereotypes of high school. Sad that I even allowed myself to become invisible. Sad about the whole experience. I wonder if anything would have been different had I lost 30 pounds. Something tells me no, it would have been exactly the same as it was.
My next goal is to be under 200 pounds by the time we leave for Disney World at the end of September. I need to get back on track and I need to do it NOW before I do anymore damage.
Daughter #1 needs to get to bed. I just wanted to update this before I forgot about the reunion.
I'm sorry about the reunion. That would have been me in high school...I was painfully shy and totally invisible. It was my goal back then. Then I grew up and learned to open my mouth and speak. I still don't like big groups and have never been to a single high school reunion. No desire.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I like you! I think you're kind, sweet, funny and a good mom and wife. Those people just don't know what they're missing! Their loss. :)