Here we are at the beginning of another year full of possibilities. Once again most of my goals or resolutions revolve around my weight. It's starting to feel a little "been there done that" but I guess the alternative is giving up and that just isn't going to happen.
Today is Jan 5 and today is the day I am starting once again to get healthy. It wasn't realistic for me to start on Jan 1. We had company in from out of town. Yesterday was my husbands birthday so I figured it would work out better to start today.
The thing is I have pretty much zero motivation to do this. I don't know why. I'm thinking it's because I've done it so many times before and haven't succeeded. It really is frustrating. The older I'm getting the harder carrying all this extra weight is on my body. My right knee is getting worse and worse. There are days when I'm walking around feeling like an 80 year old lady.
I think another reason I'm not feeling very motivated is because a few people I know who have lost HUGE amounts of weight have gained it all back and then some. Maybe in my mind I'm thinking even if I do pull this off, if they can't keep off the weight what makes me think I can? Most of the bloggers I read are having the same issue too. What is going on? Maybe I just need to look for more motivating things to get me going.
But, even after saying all of that, I did work out today and I am tracking my food. I hope that little steps will help me succeed and I think if I succeed, the motivation will come. I'm not going full force and feeling like I'm kicking ass and taking names. But, I'm doing something. Maybe a little bit of "somethings" each day will get me towards my goal.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
It's almost Christmas!
I can't believe Christmas is next week! How quickly time flies. I like the saying "The days are slow but the years are fast." That is so true. Especially when you have kids. Looking day to day some days just drag. There are other times when I look at my kids and can't believe they are so grown up.
This is an exciting time of year in our household. We are very excited about Santa visiting next week and the kids can't stop talking about it. I love when my 4 year old out of the blue asks about Santa. I know she's thinking about it and trying to figure out how it all works and how he comes down the chimney etc. I just love that both my kids still believe. It is such a fun time right now!
I was doing OK with my eating before going to Disney. I lost a few pounds and was feeling good because at least I lost some weight before I went. While I was at Disney one of my best friends texted me and told me she had cancer. That was difficult. It's still difficult. Without going into it to much, my world was rocked for a few weeks. I have never dealt with anything like this before. The news just kept getting worse and worse and I didn't know how to handle it. The first couple of weeks were hard. It's still hard, but I think I've processed it as much as I can and we are all dealing with it. Our families are very close and this is affecting all of us very much.
Watching someone you love go through something like this is very difficult. I have never felt as useless as I do now. There is absolutely nothing I can do to fix this. There is not much I can do to help because she has such an incredibly close and helpful family that there isn't much I can do for them. The only thing I can do is be there for her if, and when, she wants to talk and pray. It's is a very helpless feeling. I want to fix this.
I just wanted to talk about that a little because it is affecting my diet right now. For that first initial time period I didn't give a shit about what I ate. I didn't go crazy and eat everything in site, but I didn't care as much about what went into my mouth. Now I feel differently. Now I want to eat better foods and less processed foods. I want to feed my kids good foods with less chemicals. My friend eats very clean and she still got cancer.
I am slowly replacing our foods with organic foods and our sauces with sauces with less or no chemicals. For instance, when we needed syrup for our pancakes I went to Whole Foods and got a syrup that isn't full of chemicals. Have you looked at your syrup bottle's ingredients? I looked at ours and OMG, it's full of chemicals and has no real maple syrup in it! I had this information before and knew what to look for but I didn't often actually look at our bottles. Now that I am actually looking at the ingredients I am shocked at what I'm finding.
I think making these changes will help me lose weight. I'm not going to say I'm going full force right now and I'm planning on losing 10 pounds before the end of the year. I'm being realistic and know that I won't do that. My goal right now is to maintain my weight throughout the holidays and get a fresh start Jan 1. I'm going to cut calories where I can and work out when I can. If I can just do those 2 things maintaining my weight won't be hard.
I wish you a blessed Christmas and a safe New Year. By this time next year I will be writing about how proud I am of myself because I worked hard all year and am so happy that after all these years I am at my goal weight. I feel a change coming.
This is an exciting time of year in our household. We are very excited about Santa visiting next week and the kids can't stop talking about it. I love when my 4 year old out of the blue asks about Santa. I know she's thinking about it and trying to figure out how it all works and how he comes down the chimney etc. I just love that both my kids still believe. It is such a fun time right now!
I was doing OK with my eating before going to Disney. I lost a few pounds and was feeling good because at least I lost some weight before I went. While I was at Disney one of my best friends texted me and told me she had cancer. That was difficult. It's still difficult. Without going into it to much, my world was rocked for a few weeks. I have never dealt with anything like this before. The news just kept getting worse and worse and I didn't know how to handle it. The first couple of weeks were hard. It's still hard, but I think I've processed it as much as I can and we are all dealing with it. Our families are very close and this is affecting all of us very much.
Watching someone you love go through something like this is very difficult. I have never felt as useless as I do now. There is absolutely nothing I can do to fix this. There is not much I can do to help because she has such an incredibly close and helpful family that there isn't much I can do for them. The only thing I can do is be there for her if, and when, she wants to talk and pray. It's is a very helpless feeling. I want to fix this.
I just wanted to talk about that a little because it is affecting my diet right now. For that first initial time period I didn't give a shit about what I ate. I didn't go crazy and eat everything in site, but I didn't care as much about what went into my mouth. Now I feel differently. Now I want to eat better foods and less processed foods. I want to feed my kids good foods with less chemicals. My friend eats very clean and she still got cancer.
I am slowly replacing our foods with organic foods and our sauces with sauces with less or no chemicals. For instance, when we needed syrup for our pancakes I went to Whole Foods and got a syrup that isn't full of chemicals. Have you looked at your syrup bottle's ingredients? I looked at ours and OMG, it's full of chemicals and has no real maple syrup in it! I had this information before and knew what to look for but I didn't often actually look at our bottles. Now that I am actually looking at the ingredients I am shocked at what I'm finding.
I think making these changes will help me lose weight. I'm not going to say I'm going full force right now and I'm planning on losing 10 pounds before the end of the year. I'm being realistic and know that I won't do that. My goal right now is to maintain my weight throughout the holidays and get a fresh start Jan 1. I'm going to cut calories where I can and work out when I can. If I can just do those 2 things maintaining my weight won't be hard.
I wish you a blessed Christmas and a safe New Year. By this time next year I will be writing about how proud I am of myself because I worked hard all year and am so happy that after all these years I am at my goal weight. I feel a change coming.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Things have certainly turned around for me. I'm doing great. I've lost a few pounds and I'm only a pound and a half away from my next goal. My stomach is totally fine now and I've been done with the antibiotics for over a week.
Mentally I'm feeling OK (today) about my weight loss. It is a day to day battle though. I wish I didn't have this insane need to step on the scale every morning. It dictates how I do that day and that's not a good way to live. I know there are many other ways to measure success when losing weight, but I need that validation from the scale. The problem is, when I'm not losing like I think I should, I tend to eat badly that day.
I will not hit my goal for my vacation next month. At this point, it's physically impossible, but I'm OK with that too. I did my best and was sidelined for a month with that stomach bug. I will get as close as I can and be happy with that.
I was at a party last weekend and was talking to someone who is getting her Masters degree to be a dietician. I had a very interesting conversation with her about being overweight and why it's so hard for me to lose weight. She suggested I try going gluten free. She said she knows it's a fad right now, but there actually is something to it. I've decided to look into it. I'm not going to start anything like that before my vacation or even before the holidays. I know it will be hard to do and I just don't want to deal with that and those emotions during the holidays. I think I'm going to continue doing my carb cycling until January and then I'll try it. That gives me about 2 months to research it and find recipes to make. I'm just curious to find out exactly what gluten is and if my body needs it. From the limited knowledge I have, I don't think it has any vitamins or nutrients a body needs, but I just don't know for sure.
I'm tired of writing only when I'm having bad days. I think it's time to celebrate the days that I'm doing well too. This is such a roller coaster and I'm so ready to just be done, get to my goal weight, and figure out how to maintain. I am not getting any younger and each year it's harder and harder to lose weight. I have a feeling maintenance is going to be harder then actually losing weight, but I'm ready to find out.
Mentally I'm feeling OK (today) about my weight loss. It is a day to day battle though. I wish I didn't have this insane need to step on the scale every morning. It dictates how I do that day and that's not a good way to live. I know there are many other ways to measure success when losing weight, but I need that validation from the scale. The problem is, when I'm not losing like I think I should, I tend to eat badly that day.
I will not hit my goal for my vacation next month. At this point, it's physically impossible, but I'm OK with that too. I did my best and was sidelined for a month with that stomach bug. I will get as close as I can and be happy with that.
I was at a party last weekend and was talking to someone who is getting her Masters degree to be a dietician. I had a very interesting conversation with her about being overweight and why it's so hard for me to lose weight. She suggested I try going gluten free. She said she knows it's a fad right now, but there actually is something to it. I've decided to look into it. I'm not going to start anything like that before my vacation or even before the holidays. I know it will be hard to do and I just don't want to deal with that and those emotions during the holidays. I think I'm going to continue doing my carb cycling until January and then I'll try it. That gives me about 2 months to research it and find recipes to make. I'm just curious to find out exactly what gluten is and if my body needs it. From the limited knowledge I have, I don't think it has any vitamins or nutrients a body needs, but I just don't know for sure.
I'm tired of writing only when I'm having bad days. I think it's time to celebrate the days that I'm doing well too. This is such a roller coaster and I'm so ready to just be done, get to my goal weight, and figure out how to maintain. I am not getting any younger and each year it's harder and harder to lose weight. I have a feeling maintenance is going to be harder then actually losing weight, but I'm ready to find out.
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
Sidelined by sickness
I was doing great for a couple of weeks there. Working out 3-4 times a week, doing better with my eating. I was on a roll. Until an awful stomach virus hit me. I have never been so sick in my life. I was in bed for 2 days which I can never do because I have small kids. My husband had to take off work to take care of them while I was sick. I was really sick for a solid week and then just feeling icky the second week. I finally went to the doctor where it was determined that I have an infection in my gut causing all the issues I had.
My doctor started me on antibiotics which have their own fun side effects. I feel thirsty all the time and I'm coughing most of the night because my throat is so dry. I still have 4 days of these pills after today and then hopefully I will be back to good health.
That first week I was sick I lost 6 pounds because I just couldn't eat. I haven't lost anything since then because I think my body is just so screwed up it's holding onto every calorie I consume. Most days I wasn't eating more then 1000 calories but not losing any weight, so something was definitely off in my body.
What struck me as odd when I was sick was the comments I was getting from people on my Facebook page. I posted how sick I was and that I couldn't eat and there was a few people who said "Hey, at least your losing weight right?" I was kind of insulted by that. So, it's ok for me to violently ill because I'm fat? I felt like they were saying it was a good thing for me to be sick because I'm fat and only skinny people get sympathy when they are sick? At the time I was not happy in any way that I was sick and losing weight. I don't think anyone would be happy that they can't eat anything and feeling weak and in bed for days. I was just shocked that it was somehow ok for me to be sick because I so obviously need to lose weight. I guess it kind of hurt my feelings that people would say that to me. I don't see anyone saying that to a skinny person who's sick and can't eat.
Today I am having a good day so I have my work out clothes on and I'm heading to the gym. Without getting too graphic, most days I have to be close to a toilet or something really bad might happen. I have better days then others but today so far had been a good day. I will really be happy when this is all behind me.
If anything, this whole experience has made me appreciate my body for what it is. I'm healthy enough to not be so sick all the time. Everything just kind of stops because you are unable to do much when you are sick. I started to realize that things aren't as important as I thought they were. And I also have a huge amount of sympathy for people who get sick while on chemotherapy. I just had a few days of not being able to hold down food or eat, I can't imagine having to do rounds of chemo and being that sick time and time again. It just feels good to actually appreciate my body and not see all the flaws all the time.
I'm ready to take these last few weeks I have before leaving for vacation and start kicking some butt. I have a goal in mind and I'm still reaching for it, even though I'm behind by a couple of weeks.
My doctor started me on antibiotics which have their own fun side effects. I feel thirsty all the time and I'm coughing most of the night because my throat is so dry. I still have 4 days of these pills after today and then hopefully I will be back to good health.
That first week I was sick I lost 6 pounds because I just couldn't eat. I haven't lost anything since then because I think my body is just so screwed up it's holding onto every calorie I consume. Most days I wasn't eating more then 1000 calories but not losing any weight, so something was definitely off in my body.
What struck me as odd when I was sick was the comments I was getting from people on my Facebook page. I posted how sick I was and that I couldn't eat and there was a few people who said "Hey, at least your losing weight right?" I was kind of insulted by that. So, it's ok for me to violently ill because I'm fat? I felt like they were saying it was a good thing for me to be sick because I'm fat and only skinny people get sympathy when they are sick? At the time I was not happy in any way that I was sick and losing weight. I don't think anyone would be happy that they can't eat anything and feeling weak and in bed for days. I was just shocked that it was somehow ok for me to be sick because I so obviously need to lose weight. I guess it kind of hurt my feelings that people would say that to me. I don't see anyone saying that to a skinny person who's sick and can't eat.
Today I am having a good day so I have my work out clothes on and I'm heading to the gym. Without getting too graphic, most days I have to be close to a toilet or something really bad might happen. I have better days then others but today so far had been a good day. I will really be happy when this is all behind me.
If anything, this whole experience has made me appreciate my body for what it is. I'm healthy enough to not be so sick all the time. Everything just kind of stops because you are unable to do much when you are sick. I started to realize that things aren't as important as I thought they were. And I also have a huge amount of sympathy for people who get sick while on chemotherapy. I just had a few days of not being able to hold down food or eat, I can't imagine having to do rounds of chemo and being that sick time and time again. It just feels good to actually appreciate my body and not see all the flaws all the time.
I'm ready to take these last few weeks I have before leaving for vacation and start kicking some butt. I have a goal in mind and I'm still reaching for it, even though I'm behind by a couple of weeks.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Still getting by
Last week was a tough week. I started to get on a roll as far as my carb cycling and exercising. I think I got in 4 work outs last week. Carb cycling is really easy and I'm not doing it 100% but I am mindful of the carbs I eat. I cut down wherever I can and I'm trying new recipes, which is a big deal for me.
But, then Wednesday came and we got some pretty bad news. My daughter who is 8 is best friends with another 8 year old girl that lives a few houses away. Her dad passed away last Wednesday. Talk about being shocked! He got into a motorcycle accident and was hurt pretty badly. They took him off life support on Wednesday evening. This is the second husband this poor mother has lost. This was my daughter's friends step dad. Her biological dad was murdered when she was one. I know, it's all confusing and I don't want to ever use names on my blog, so it's hard to explain, but the whole situation is devastating. He left behind 3 year old twin girls. My heart was broken for these people. I do know them both and I am friendly with them but I'm not friends with them. I still felt awful last week. Just trying to comprehend how this could have happened.
I did not turn to food though. I think I was so sad I just didn't want to eat. But, my birthday was on Friday. My wonderful co-workers got me a death by chocolate cake and took me out to lunch to my favorite Italian restaurant. On my actual birthday my husband took me out to eat at another Italian place and got me an Oreo Ice Cream cake. Needless to say, I wasn't being healthy on those few days.
But, I am happy to report that this morning I worked out for an hour on my treadmill and I'm having a great day eating. Since both my kids are sick I will not have to go to work this week so I should be able to work out everyday and eat healthy. I'm on my way to my goal to lose 20 before leaving for our trip. I am shocked that I didn't gain anything from my weekend of eating.
I am also proud of myself because there was not one time when I thought "Oh, I'll just start over on Monday." I made healthy choices when I could and didn't beat myself up for the unhealthy choices I made. I told myself that it was my birthday and I could enjoy myself as long as I got back on track the next day. I am really optimistic that I am going to lose some serious weight this week. I put up some pictures of Disney World on the wall of my work out area to remind myself that I'm doing this so I can walk around and not be in pain everyday. For the first time in a long time I feel like I WILL do this and I will succeed without a doubt. It feels good to have confidence in myself again.
But, then Wednesday came and we got some pretty bad news. My daughter who is 8 is best friends with another 8 year old girl that lives a few houses away. Her dad passed away last Wednesday. Talk about being shocked! He got into a motorcycle accident and was hurt pretty badly. They took him off life support on Wednesday evening. This is the second husband this poor mother has lost. This was my daughter's friends step dad. Her biological dad was murdered when she was one. I know, it's all confusing and I don't want to ever use names on my blog, so it's hard to explain, but the whole situation is devastating. He left behind 3 year old twin girls. My heart was broken for these people. I do know them both and I am friendly with them but I'm not friends with them. I still felt awful last week. Just trying to comprehend how this could have happened.
I did not turn to food though. I think I was so sad I just didn't want to eat. But, my birthday was on Friday. My wonderful co-workers got me a death by chocolate cake and took me out to lunch to my favorite Italian restaurant. On my actual birthday my husband took me out to eat at another Italian place and got me an Oreo Ice Cream cake. Needless to say, I wasn't being healthy on those few days.
But, I am happy to report that this morning I worked out for an hour on my treadmill and I'm having a great day eating. Since both my kids are sick I will not have to go to work this week so I should be able to work out everyday and eat healthy. I'm on my way to my goal to lose 20 before leaving for our trip. I am shocked that I didn't gain anything from my weekend of eating.
I am also proud of myself because there was not one time when I thought "Oh, I'll just start over on Monday." I made healthy choices when I could and didn't beat myself up for the unhealthy choices I made. I told myself that it was my birthday and I could enjoy myself as long as I got back on track the next day. I am really optimistic that I am going to lose some serious weight this week. I put up some pictures of Disney World on the wall of my work out area to remind myself that I'm doing this so I can walk around and not be in pain everyday. For the first time in a long time I feel like I WILL do this and I will succeed without a doubt. It feels good to have confidence in myself again.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
I'm not even going to read my last post. I know it was bad. I was in a bad place. I'm still not 100% back to being motivated, but I'm on the right track.
I have about 8 weeks until we leave for our big trip and I'm starting a more focused plan tomorrow. I have all my menus planned out for the week and I got all the foods I need today. I'm ready to go. What I'm doing now is carb cycling. I'm still eating carbs, but just less on some days and more on others. My body responds very well to a lower carb diet, so that's what I'm going with.
I also went back to the gym on Friday and my 3 year old actually liked it. I wasn't going because she cried every time I wanted to go. Now she is looking forward to going so we'll go tomorrow. I work on Tuesday and Thursday so I will work out on the other days.
I need a plan to succeed. I can't just say I'm going to "be good" and just see what happens. That doesn't work for me. What works is having my meals written down and a work out plan. If I know what I'm going I am more likely to do it.
My goal is to lose 20 pounds before I leave for my trip. I hope it's enough to make a difference. I was on my feet for 3 hours today and I am feeling it now. I'm going to be one my feet for at least 8 hours a day on our trip. If I don't start following this plan I'm going to be in trouble. I don't want my husband or kids to have to slow down because I've let myself go so much.
My goal is to write a post once a week. I don't even think anyone is reading this anymore, but I think I need to record this. My goal is to lose 4 pounds this week. My birthday is on Friday and I'm going to really try to not go crazy on that day. The best gift I can give myself is getting healthy. Wish me luck!
I have about 8 weeks until we leave for our big trip and I'm starting a more focused plan tomorrow. I have all my menus planned out for the week and I got all the foods I need today. I'm ready to go. What I'm doing now is carb cycling. I'm still eating carbs, but just less on some days and more on others. My body responds very well to a lower carb diet, so that's what I'm going with.
I also went back to the gym on Friday and my 3 year old actually liked it. I wasn't going because she cried every time I wanted to go. Now she is looking forward to going so we'll go tomorrow. I work on Tuesday and Thursday so I will work out on the other days.
I need a plan to succeed. I can't just say I'm going to "be good" and just see what happens. That doesn't work for me. What works is having my meals written down and a work out plan. If I know what I'm going I am more likely to do it.
My goal is to lose 20 pounds before I leave for my trip. I hope it's enough to make a difference. I was on my feet for 3 hours today and I am feeling it now. I'm going to be one my feet for at least 8 hours a day on our trip. If I don't start following this plan I'm going to be in trouble. I don't want my husband or kids to have to slow down because I've let myself go so much.
My goal is to write a post once a week. I don't even think anyone is reading this anymore, but I think I need to record this. My goal is to lose 4 pounds this week. My birthday is on Friday and I'm going to really try to not go crazy on that day. The best gift I can give myself is getting healthy. Wish me luck!
Sunday, August 17, 2014
I haven't written in a while and the reason is I'm not doing well. I am at my all time highest weight and I feel like a total failure. I keep losing and gaining the same 5 pounds and I can't seem to go more then a few days doing good and then it all falls apart. I don't know what's going on with me and I feel like I'm ready to give up.
The problem is I am going on vacation in November and we are going to Disney World which means a ton of walking. Honestly, at this weight I can't see myself doing it. I feel so crappy and my feet swell and hurt and I just don't see myself walking everyday for 5 days at this weight. However, I don't seem to want to do anything about it. I can't keep the motivation I seem to muster up for more then a day or two.
Right now I feel utterly defeated and like I can't do it. I don't know that I've ever felt this hopeless before and I don't know what to do about it.
Now you know why I haven't written, I've got nothing good to say and I don't have anything planned that will help me get out of this funk.
So there you go. That's it and I hope this whole situation passes and I can write in the future that I am doing great and have lost 20 pounds. I guess the only good thing I can say is that I've stopped gaining weight. Since I went back to work in October I've gained over 30 pounds. I just don't get what's going on.
I hope whoever is reading this is doing better then I am.
The problem is I am going on vacation in November and we are going to Disney World which means a ton of walking. Honestly, at this weight I can't see myself doing it. I feel so crappy and my feet swell and hurt and I just don't see myself walking everyday for 5 days at this weight. However, I don't seem to want to do anything about it. I can't keep the motivation I seem to muster up for more then a day or two.
Right now I feel utterly defeated and like I can't do it. I don't know that I've ever felt this hopeless before and I don't know what to do about it.
Now you know why I haven't written, I've got nothing good to say and I don't have anything planned that will help me get out of this funk.
So there you go. That's it and I hope this whole situation passes and I can write in the future that I am doing great and have lost 20 pounds. I guess the only good thing I can say is that I've stopped gaining weight. Since I went back to work in October I've gained over 30 pounds. I just don't get what's going on.
I hope whoever is reading this is doing better then I am.
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