I am feeling more positive today. I'm back down to where I was last Friday at this time. I was told to give the new program 4 weeks. I'm 2 weeks in so what's another 2 weeks? I still don't know exactly what I did to gain 3 lbs last week. That's the frustrating part. Usually I can pinpoint something I ate and can justify a gain. But not this time.

I am also going to rethink how and when I'm eating my points. I'm one of those people who save the best thing for last. If there's something on my plate that I love, I will eat everything else and save that one thing for last. Sometimes it end up biting me because I'm too full to enjoy that last thing, but it's what I do. I tend to do the same thing with my points. I don't use those "extra" weekly points (49 now with the new program) and I save them all for the last day. Right now I get 34 points a day. 49 + 39 = 88 points. I can conceivably eat 88 points in one day on this plan. How can that be good? It can't.

From now on, I'm going to take part of those weekly points and have a treat mid week. Maybe a glass of wine, or a few cookies. I will deduct them from my weekly points and not save them for the end of the week. This really is going to be a challenge for me. I like to have those banked "just in case." At least that's what I tell myself. Just in case I "need" them. Well, when is that going to be? I am the one in control of my eating. I am the one who decides what I put into my mouth. Unless I know of a party coming up, when will I ever need an emergency 20 points?

One more thing I have come to realize this week is that I am using the baby as an excuse not to work out. There are plenty of women out there that have babies and work out. I have to figure out a way to do it and just do it. I'm not going to wake up one day and the baby will miraculously be on a wonderful schedule and I can work out at the same time each day. It's not going to happen. I will tell myself "The time to work out tomorrow is 2 pm" and that's the time I would work out. However, if the baby is screaming or something comes up and 2:30 rolls around, I will say "Oh well, I missed my time to work out" and I won't do it. How screwed up is that? I have to work on being more flexible. I have to be ready to work out whenever she falls asleep.

Lots of revelations this week, but most of all I think I've realized yet again that I am the one accountable for losing weight. I have to take charge and stop playing the victim. It took me years to get this weight and it's going to take time to get the weight off.

New Points Plus program

Last week I would have written that the new plan is great and I love it. However, this week is a different story.

Last week I started drinking a TON of water each day. Not only for diet reasons but to up my milk production because I'm breast feeding. I have a feeling I was seeing success on the scale because of the increase in my water intake and not the Points Plus system.

I've been following the plan for a week and a half and as of today I have lost ZERO pounds. ZERO! Nada- nothing!!

I will start out by saying I am frustrated and angry today. This will probably be the tone of this blog. I'm sorry, but it's how I feel. I am angry because I have been following the plan to a T. I have been tracking all my food intake. I even had a "cheat" night last Friday, but it wasn't really cheating because I was still within my weekly points. I tend to save my weekly points for one night and then eat something I'm craving like pizza or Mexican food. Sometimes I go over, but I didn't on Friday. I have been drinking more water, but not working out.

I know I can lose weight with diet alone. I've done it before so I don't really think that I haven't lost because I haven't found time to exercise. There are some days I am weak and don't exercise and there are days when the baby is up a lot and I can't work it in my day. I can only do so much. I really just wanted to get the diet down pat, get into a groove with that and then I would really make working out a priority. I haven't been able to find success with this diet yet.

I am not giving up. I am going to pull out my books from the "old" plan and start following that. If that doesn't work, I will find what does work. I will not give up. I can't give up. I do not want diabetes. It is unfortunate that the new plan is not working for me. I might be doing something wrong. I don't know. What I do know is losing weight is hard enough by itself. Why WW felt like they had to make it even more difficult is beyond me. I still feel that they wanted money and revamped the system so everyone would buy the new materials. I hope I'm wrong.

Today is just not a good day. I feel like I've deprived myself for nothing and that makes me mad. I feel like I did my part and WW let me down. Tomorrow might be a different story. Tomorrow I might be down 3 lbs and gushing about how much I love WW. Today I'm just pissed off and ready to try something else.

Happy 2011

I almost wrote Happy 2010. I need to get used to the fact that another year has started. Being at home with an infant, my days tend to blend together. Adding on top of that hubby being home the last 9 days, it's even worse. He goes back to work tomorrow so life will go back to "normal" after that.

I have the day #1 of a diet feeling. You know that feeling. The "I'm kind of hungry but oh yeah I'm on a diet now and not pigging out every second of the day" feeling. I feel like that. Not necessarily hungry, but like I need to eat. It's going to take a few days to get rid of this feeling.

Today is day #1 of tracking everything I put into my mouth. I haven't figured out how and when to exercise yet, but I need to at least eat properly. I'm not using my extra breast feeding points. I'm not producing much milk and do not feel like I need the extra 11 points a day. If I were producing all the milk the baby needs, then I'd think about it, but I'm not. I've pumped. I know I'm not making much so I'm not going to use the points. Having said that, if I'm hungry and I don't have any points left, I'll eat. I don't think food is the issue. I don't think I'm drinking enough liquids. I forget that I need more water each day to make the milk and that's why I'm not making enough.

Today I've had plenty to drink. I'm stayed within my points and I still have about 7 to go. I'm planning on eating a WW strawberry short cake for dessert. If I need a snack later, I've got some apples. I'm still leery of the "new" WW plan. I had a banana for breakfast and it was zero points. If I have the apple later, it will also be zero points. It's so strange to me and I'm really hoping this works. I'll give it a week. If it doesn't work, I'll go back to the old plan which I know works. It just feels like a lot of work to recalculate points for things I knew the points of before. I hope there is some real technology/science that went into revamping the system and Florine Mark doesn't just want to make more money by making everyone buy all new materials.

I don't have a lot to say other that I feel like I'm back on track and in control. Day #1 is always an easy day. I'm motivated and ready to go. I'll check back on day 7 or 8 and update you on my progress. I'm hoping I'll have even more motivation. OH, and the Biggest Loser starts tomorrow. That always motivates me. Last time I was pregnant so I knew I couldn't do much, but not this time. This time I can lose weight right along with the contestants!

I want a good week or two of being healthy and then I'm going to really explore my addiction to sugar. The more I eat, the more I want. I know I need to do something about that, but I'm also smart enough not to start too much at one time. I'm tracking food and figuring out how to get a work out in. That's enough for a week or two. Once I have a handle on this again, I will work on that. One step at a time and before I know it I will be at my goal!! This is the year!

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas! It sure has been a Merry Christmas at my house today. Having a 4 year old has made this Christmas extra special. She is excited about Santa and all the presents she got today. Times sure have changed. I used to be able to just relax on Christmas day and look at the stuff I got and now it's putting toys together and making Christmas dinner. Oh well, I like it better this way.

I think one of the best gifts I got was my new Weight Watchers guides/books and the calculator. I have a few days to go through everything so I'm ready on Jan 1 to start the program again. I haven't been good these past 2 weeks although I have maintained my weight. One of the reasons I've been able to do this is that I got the stomach flu last week and lost 5 lbs. Ever since then I've stayed the same weight. I guess that's good. I did want to lose this month, but I guess maintaining is better then gaining for sure.

My husband is off work this coming week so my only goal is to get into a work out routine. I have to figure out a way to do it. I watched the finale of the Biggest Loser and I can't remember her name (Burgandy maybe?) said that she doesn't want to get up at 5 am to work out, but she does. If that's what I have to do, I'll do it. 2011 is going to be the year that I get healthy.

I went to my brothers house last night to celebrate Christmas and my Sister in Law has lost 140 pounds over this last year and a half. I know there was some supplement she was taking the first few months but she claims she hasn't taken that in a long time. I can't even tell you how consumed I was with jealousy. She was always stick thin when she was younger, but then had kids and piled on the weight. When she was fat, I felt like I could relate to her better. Now she's skinny (and she is skinny) and all I feel is jealousy. I can't even be happy for her which is just terrible.

So, this is the year. It's going to happen. I also got a weight loss book. It's written by Marianne Williamson. She used to be the "minister" at our Church. She ties losing weight in with religion somehow. This was the book Oprah had on her favorite things show. Anyway, the only reason I wanted another weight loss book is because I really liked Marianne. I could really relate to her and really liked going to Church when she was here. We'll see if I get anything out of it. Of course the back of the book gets me all wound up thinking this is going to "be the one" that finally explains to me why I'm fat and how I can miraculously take the weight off once and for all. We'll see.

I hope you have a blessed and Merry Christmas. It truly is a magical time of year if you don't get caught up in all the crap associated with it!

I know I haven't been posting. The truth is, I'm struggling right now. I don't know what the problem is. I don't understand how I can be all gung ho one day and full of motivation and just let that all slip away the following day.

I think in my mind I'm thinking that it's the holidays and why bother trying to lose weight right now? But, like I've said before, it's just one day, not a whole month.

I think the weather is playing a part in my struggle. I can't go outside because it's too cold and snowy. All the schools are closed today because we got a pretty good snow storm yesterday. I can't take the kids out because it's about 10 degrees outside. I can't go to the gym because my membership is on hold right now because of the baby. Wow, there are a lot of "can'ts" in that paragraph. I guess I just feel bummed right now and I need to pull myself out of this funk and fast.

This has been a good week. I signed up for WW online 2 days ago. I haven't had a lot of time to explore the website, but I have gotten the basics of the "new" program. I'm excited about it. Something new always seems to get me motivated. I have also been using the App for my iphone and tracking my points.

My goal is to lose 50 lbs by July 30. This week on Tuesday I had lost 1 lb. Normally I would say "Big deal, one pound is nothing. I can shit one pound" but this time was different. I thought "Hmm, that's great. I'm half way to my weekly goal of losing 2 lbs" I have no idea where that idea came from, but it was kind of a light bulb moment for me. Instead of thinking of the total I need to lose, I'm going to view it as 2 lbs a week. It really doesn't sound like a lot, but after one month thats 8 lbs! After 2 months, that's 16 lbs. That IS a lot. It all adds up and slowly but surely I will reach my goal. Actually 2 lbs a week will take me over my goal, so I have some wiggle room for plateaus and "bad" weeks.

This week I have lost 1.5 lbs. Only a half a pound to go and I will have met that part of my goals for the week.

The other goal I have set is to work out 3 times a week. This one has not been so easy to meet. It's so unpredictable with a baby. Some days go smoothly and some don't. Some nights are easy, and some nights I'm up half the night. I haven't been able to figure out how I'm going to achieve this goal before joining the gym again. It's not that I don't *want to* work out. It's finding the time with a new baby. I'm going to cut myself some slack on this one. I could very easily just give it all up until the baby is older, so if I can manage to stick to the diet I'll be satisfied with that. Not happy, just satisfied. Mid January I will be able to start going to the gym again (with daycare) so if I can't manage to work out at home, that is what I'll do. I'm just nervous to take the baby to daycare in the middle of cold and flu season, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I feel really good about my attitude right now. I wish I could stop the evening sweet binges though. I could be losing more if I could just stop eating after a sensible dessert. I have too much junk in my house. I'm clearing it out a little at a time. I wanted to throw some fudge out last night but my husband wouldn't let me. He said it was a "sin" to throw away food but I know it's really him just wanting to eat the fudge. I told him if he really wanted to keep it, he had to hide it because I couldn't resist it. I couldn't. It's one of those things that I only get at this time of year and just couldn't stop myself from eating it. I have to get foods like that out of the house. My husband will just have to understand that this is what I need to do right now. Once I get some momentum going I will be able to say "no" easier, but for not it's tough.