Thursday, October 15, 2009

I've been doing ok lately. Just ok. I'm back to my pre Disney weight and that makes me happy. What doesn't make me happy is the speed at which I am losing weight. I feel like I am working so hard at this (most days) and I should be seeing more progress on the scale.
A friend of mine just joined Weight Watchers and she lost 5 lbs her first week. She only has about 15 to lose total. I was really jealous. I've never had a 5 pound loss in one week! I think 3 is my highest and I've got another 40 lbs to lose!
I know I'm doing it the right way this time. I know "slow and steady wins the race." I know all of this in my head, but my heart still breaks when I see that I've only lost one pound in a week.
I have also been very busy this week and haven't had enough time in my day to exercise. I've worked out twice so far this week and tomorrow isn't looking good. Maybe Saturday, but I have a baby shower to go to so I'm not sure if I'll find the time. Last week I worked out SIX times. This week it might only be 2, 3 if I'm lucky. I actually took Sunday off thinking that my week looked pretty clear so I should have had time to go to the gym every day. Boy, was I wrong! I guess I've learned that I need to always take the opportunity to work out when I have it, because you never know what will come up the following day.
I've made some pretty good choices this week and I've done good overall. I need to stop dwelling on what I haven't done and start thinking about all the good things I have done. There have been lots of good choices this week. I've had to eat out a few times and I've made good choices and haven't overeaten. Why do I still feel like I could have done so much more? Why do I have to be so hard on myself? Why can't I celebrate my successes, even if their small ones? Why are the failures thought about so much more than the successes? These are all things that I need to think about and try to figure out so I don't make the same mistakes I've made in the past.
I know I'm kind of rambling today. I feel "off." Maybe a little sad. I took my daughter to a play date today and nobody talked to me. I tried to make small talk and talk to the other moms I didn't know, but they all knew each other and were in their own conversations. I felt like I was in high school again. All I could think of was "they probably don't like me because I'm fat" It's so ridiculous! I hate feeling this way. I'm not a bad person. I'm just shy and don't really approach people I don't know very often. I'm going to stop now. I could just ramble on and on and on and on........ but I won't. Not tonight.

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