March Update

I can't wait for Spring to get here! We got snow today and I am starting to hate it. I'm tired of the cold, the snow, the icy roads and putting on a ton of clothes to go outside. I am done. It's funny because as I was driving to work this morning I thought that if I saw this snow in November or December I would think how pretty it is. But now I just loath it.

I am doing well on my diet. I kicked it up a notch these past two weeks and I am following the South Beach diet to a T. I'm only using recipes from the book and I am drinking a ton of water everyday and exercising at least 4 times a week. I have lost 14 pounds since Jan 1, which is more then my goal. I'm very happy about that.

But, today I was feeling a little sad and I've been a little sad for this past week. I think it's because I'm realizing that I can never go back to the way I was. I can never eat whatever I want whenever I want again. I can never drink as much wine as I want to drink. I will have to watch it for the rest of my life if I want to maintain my weight loss.  I can never just relax and do whatever I want as far as eating and drinking goes, and that depresses me a little bit.

I find great joy in the food I eat. Whenever I'm sad, I eat. Whenever I'm happy, I eat. I can't do that anymore and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I know I shouldn't be worrying about this yet, because I am far from my gaol weight, but this is affecting me now. I'm not feeling as happy as I used to be. I haven't worked any of this out in my head yet because I just realized this today.

I have had a few people recently ask me if I'm ok. I wasn't looking very happy or acting very happy and they were concerned. I had no idea I was coming across like that. I am an introvert by nature, so I am more reserved and quiet then most people, but I'm coming across as being miserable. I think that all of this is striking me at once and I'm not quite sure what to do. I don't feel as happy because I can't eat what I want to eat. I feel deprived at times. Not hungry, but kind of like a 5 year old that doesn't get what they want when they want it. I know I need to change all of this, but I just don't know how.

I know that this is a long process and I will figure it out, but I just don't want to go through all this work to lose the weight only to gain it back like I have in the past. I'm going to have to figure out an action plan so this time it sticks.  I will figure it out and I am NOT giving up, but just wanted to express all these feelings since they came up today.