Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas! It sure has been a Merry Christmas at my house today. Having a 4 year old has made this Christmas extra special. She is excited about Santa and all the presents she got today. Times sure have changed. I used to be able to just relax on Christmas day and look at the stuff I got and now it's putting toys together and making Christmas dinner. Oh well, I like it better this way.

I think one of the best gifts I got was my new Weight Watchers guides/books and the calculator. I have a few days to go through everything so I'm ready on Jan 1 to start the program again. I haven't been good these past 2 weeks although I have maintained my weight. One of the reasons I've been able to do this is that I got the stomach flu last week and lost 5 lbs. Ever since then I've stayed the same weight. I guess that's good. I did want to lose this month, but I guess maintaining is better then gaining for sure.

My husband is off work this coming week so my only goal is to get into a work out routine. I have to figure out a way to do it. I watched the finale of the Biggest Loser and I can't remember her name (Burgandy maybe?) said that she doesn't want to get up at 5 am to work out, but she does. If that's what I have to do, I'll do it. 2011 is going to be the year that I get healthy.

I went to my brothers house last night to celebrate Christmas and my Sister in Law has lost 140 pounds over this last year and a half. I know there was some supplement she was taking the first few months but she claims she hasn't taken that in a long time. I can't even tell you how consumed I was with jealousy. She was always stick thin when she was younger, but then had kids and piled on the weight. When she was fat, I felt like I could relate to her better. Now she's skinny (and she is skinny) and all I feel is jealousy. I can't even be happy for her which is just terrible.

So, this is the year. It's going to happen. I also got a weight loss book. It's written by Marianne Williamson. She used to be the "minister" at our Church. She ties losing weight in with religion somehow. This was the book Oprah had on her favorite things show. Anyway, the only reason I wanted another weight loss book is because I really liked Marianne. I could really relate to her and really liked going to Church when she was here. We'll see if I get anything out of it. Of course the back of the book gets me all wound up thinking this is going to "be the one" that finally explains to me why I'm fat and how I can miraculously take the weight off once and for all. We'll see.

I hope you have a blessed and Merry Christmas. It truly is a magical time of year if you don't get caught up in all the crap associated with it!

I know I haven't been posting. The truth is, I'm struggling right now. I don't know what the problem is. I don't understand how I can be all gung ho one day and full of motivation and just let that all slip away the following day.

I think in my mind I'm thinking that it's the holidays and why bother trying to lose weight right now? But, like I've said before, it's just one day, not a whole month.

I think the weather is playing a part in my struggle. I can't go outside because it's too cold and snowy. All the schools are closed today because we got a pretty good snow storm yesterday. I can't take the kids out because it's about 10 degrees outside. I can't go to the gym because my membership is on hold right now because of the baby. Wow, there are a lot of "can'ts" in that paragraph. I guess I just feel bummed right now and I need to pull myself out of this funk and fast.

This has been a good week. I signed up for WW online 2 days ago. I haven't had a lot of time to explore the website, but I have gotten the basics of the "new" program. I'm excited about it. Something new always seems to get me motivated. I have also been using the App for my iphone and tracking my points.

My goal is to lose 50 lbs by July 30. This week on Tuesday I had lost 1 lb. Normally I would say "Big deal, one pound is nothing. I can shit one pound" but this time was different. I thought "Hmm, that's great. I'm half way to my weekly goal of losing 2 lbs" I have no idea where that idea came from, but it was kind of a light bulb moment for me. Instead of thinking of the total I need to lose, I'm going to view it as 2 lbs a week. It really doesn't sound like a lot, but after one month thats 8 lbs! After 2 months, that's 16 lbs. That IS a lot. It all adds up and slowly but surely I will reach my goal. Actually 2 lbs a week will take me over my goal, so I have some wiggle room for plateaus and "bad" weeks.

This week I have lost 1.5 lbs. Only a half a pound to go and I will have met that part of my goals for the week.

The other goal I have set is to work out 3 times a week. This one has not been so easy to meet. It's so unpredictable with a baby. Some days go smoothly and some don't. Some nights are easy, and some nights I'm up half the night. I haven't been able to figure out how I'm going to achieve this goal before joining the gym again. It's not that I don't *want to* work out. It's finding the time with a new baby. I'm going to cut myself some slack on this one. I could very easily just give it all up until the baby is older, so if I can manage to stick to the diet I'll be satisfied with that. Not happy, just satisfied. Mid January I will be able to start going to the gym again (with daycare) so if I can't manage to work out at home, that is what I'll do. I'm just nervous to take the baby to daycare in the middle of cold and flu season, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I feel really good about my attitude right now. I wish I could stop the evening sweet binges though. I could be losing more if I could just stop eating after a sensible dessert. I have too much junk in my house. I'm clearing it out a little at a time. I wanted to throw some fudge out last night but my husband wouldn't let me. He said it was a "sin" to throw away food but I know it's really him just wanting to eat the fudge. I told him if he really wanted to keep it, he had to hide it because I couldn't resist it. I couldn't. It's one of those things that I only get at this time of year and just couldn't stop myself from eating it. I have to get foods like that out of the house. My husband will just have to understand that this is what I need to do right now. Once I get some momentum going I will be able to say "no" easier, but for not it's tough.