I got the "OK" from my doctor to diet and exercise last week. I have had out of town company for a week in my house so it was difficult to start any plan or even to exercise. They left this morning and I have no more excuses.

I spoke with my husband about returning to Weight Watchers meetings and he is not thrilled at the prospect of watching both kids each week while I attend a meeting. I'm not going to vent about how mad that makes me and how I should be able to take 45 mins a week for myself. Because of this, I've been thinking about joining WW online. I am excited about their new program and think I can get all the new information online. I believe it's $69 for 3 months and that will allow me to use all their online tools and get the new plan info.

My only hesitation is starting it now. Would it be totally stupid to think I can actually lose weight throughout the holidays? I don't want to waste the first month because I am not in the right frame of mind to actually lose weight. I've always thought if I just maintain my weight throughout December that I've done good. Could I actually lose weight? Is it possible?? I need to think about that question for a while.

I gained 2 pounds over this past week. I am still not producing enough milk for my amazon baby so I don't think it actually allows me an extra 900 calories a day like some women say. However, I have pigged out. I've been eating crap since I've had guests. I can't blame them, it's my fault. The first half of the week my Sister in Law was here and she is on a diet. She was being good. I was the one who wasn't.

The second half of the week my other sister in law was here and she has a weight problem too. We made a deal to lose 50 lbs by the end of July. We've made this deal before and neither one of us has done it. However, this year she has a family wedding to attend and I have my 25 year high school reunion to attend in August. Will this be motivation enough? If I do it, my husband will by me a leather coat. If she does it her husband will buy her a new outfit. However, if only one of us does it, the other will also buy the one who does it a new outfit. For example, if I lose 50 pounds and she doesn't, I get a new outfit from her and my husband will also buy me a leather jacket. Not a bad deal.

My only obstacle right now is finding the time to work out with the baby. This past week she has discovered that she likes the swing. (Finally!) She will swing and fall asleep in it without a problem. As long as I don't use it too much, I can see dropping my older daughter off at school, coming home and working out while the baby swings.

My husband went back to work last Monday. However, I've had people here to help me get my daughter to school and help with the baby this past week. Tomorrow is the first day I have to do it myself. I'm nervous and scared, but I'll do it. I don't really have a choice. Moms do it all over the world and I can to.

Getting myself healthy will be a challenge, especially with a new baby to take care of. However, I have to make it a priority. I am 42. When the baby is 5, I will be 47. I have to have the energy to run around with her and play with her. Time is ticking. My doctor also told me he'd like to test me for diabetes after the holidays. It's a 3 hour test. I think I'm going to push that back a couple of months and really focus on getting healthy. I guess my first goal should be to pass that glucose test. I kind of have the feeling that it's now or never. I can't keep letting years go by and think that I still have time to get healthy. I really don't. I'm not "old" but I'm not "young" either. Now is the time.

I guess I just answered my own question. YES I CAN LOSE WEIGHT IN DECEMBER. Christmas is ONE day. Not a whole month. I can and will do this. I'm going to sign up for WW this week and get started on the program. My 2 goals this week are to sign up for WW online and to work out 3 times in my basement. I can do this!!

The baby is 5 weeks old this week. I can't believe it! Time is flying, but in the middle of the night dragging. She is usually up for at least an hour to two each night which is no fun, but around that time she is sleeping well. Last night I got 5 hours in a row.

Last week I came down with a nasty case of mastitis. That's an infection in the breast. I had the chills alternating with sweats for almost 3 days. That was horrible. Thank God my friend from PA was here for the week staying with me and she was a HUGE help. I was able to rest and get better by the time she left. The doctor put me on antibiotics which had side effects that were really nasty. Two nights (last night being one of them) I was up with major acid reflux. It got so bad last night I was throwing up and had esophageal spasms.

The reason I bring this up is that it's a reminder that I need to get my eating under control. The symptoms last night was not due to my eating, but when I go crazy and eat like crap, the same thing (to a lesser degree) happens. I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to be sick all the time. I want to feel great and healthy.

I have one more week until I can start exercising again. I need to figure out a way to get that done since the baby seems to enjoy little cat naps instead of a nice long nap. It might take a week or two but I'll figure something out. I wish I lived in a warmer climate so I could walk outside.

Baby is up and crying, more later!

I feel sick to my stomach now. I have this HUGE bag of candy that was not given out at Halloween. My husband took our daughter trick or treating so I stayed home to hand out candy. As soon as they left the baby needed to be fed so I turned off our light and it never got turned back on. Now I have a huge bag of my favorite candy just sitting on my table, calling my name.

I have gained a pound because of that damn candy. I've been snacking on it all day long and I can't stop. HELP! I know I should just throw it away, but then my husband will start lecturing me about wasting food and money. ARGH! Where is my self control????

My stress level is at an all time high right now because my daughter and husband are both sick. This means zero help with the baby at night so I'm the one getting up and taking care of her. It's nice to have someone who can at least rock her to sleep after I'm done feeding her, but I really don't want her to get sick so my husband is staying away from her. Sigh......

I'm feeling defeated right now and powerless. I feel like a loser that can't control herself. Gotta go, the baby is crying!