Another giveaway

I just read about another giveaway from a blogger. Check it out:

http://teneasypieces.wordpress.com/2010/02/10/why-buy-the-cow-when-you-can-get-the-hoodie-for-free/

Have I told you how much I love.......

my panini grill? The first picture is my 6 pt lunch. (2 pieces of Ezekial bread, low fat cheese, thin sliced ham and an apple) The reason I love my panini grill is because it melts the cheese and makes it taste like a good old fashioned grilled cheese, without any butter. I can make a regular, boring sandwich taste like a sandwich I would buy at Panera. However, my sandwich is only 4 pts while the Panera sandwich would be approximately 10 pts. And, when I use the Ezekial bread, it adds a slight crunch because the bread is so hearty. Most days I use a Sandwich Thin, which tastes really good too.

If you don't have an panini grill, I suggest you look into getting one. If you like sandwiches, it is totally worth it. I think I got this one over a year ago at Costco for about $40. I use it about 3 times a week.

This morning I got up thinking about my daughter's birthday cake sitting on my counter. The cake with the home made butter cream frosting. Probably my favorite cake in the world. I've eaten very healthy today. I have about 19 pts left for the day and I have eaten breakfast, lunch and a snack. (BTW, I defrosted a Fiber one muffin for my snack and it tasted just as good as when I first made them) I'm making stir fry for dinner so I will have enough points left to eat that cake.

But then something happened........

I decided to suck it up and do my Last Chance Workout again. I haven't done it in a week and I've been putting it off. I hate doing it. It's very difficult and I am not a huge fan of exercise to begin with. However, the feeling I get when I've made it through is indescribable. I feel like I've completed a marathon. I'm sweaty and strong and motivated to lose weight. The feeling is so much more powerful than how I feel after I eat that cake. I admit, sometimes I get a "high" after eating certain foods. It makes me feel good. I have not, however, found a food that makes me feel as good as a good work out does.

I have no desire to eat any more cake. I will have a WW ice cream sandwich that will taste just as good (well, almost as good) , but I won't feel like I've cheated. I'll feel proud of myself and know that I'm in this to win it. I will reach my goal this year as long as I keep making decisions like this. I know there will be days when I will go for the cake, but as long as I have more days where I reach for the healthy stuff, reaching my goal is no longer an "if" it's a "when."

Vision Board

This is a picture of my vision board:As you can tell, it still needs some work. I am trying to figure out what else to include on there. I think I am over thinking it.

If you had a vision board, what would you put on it?

I first read about vision boards long before "The Secret" came out, but never created one until last year. I truly believe in the Law of Attraction, however I don't believe in how they represented it in the movie. It was kind of hokey and if I remember correctly, they actually have a genie that represents the Universe that grants wishes. I don't believe it quite works like that.

If I post my vision board on my wall in my bedroom and look at it every morning, I am very unlikely to make a big pile of pancakes with syrup for breakfast. It is a reminder of what I want to create and attract into my life. I know that when I remind myself of the things I want in my life, I will look for ways to attract it and work towards it. I have tested this in small ways and it really does work.

In creating this board, I have realized that I need to get more specific in my thinking. I can think I want to "lose weight" and be vague about it and I get vague results. I need to start thinking about losing 2 lbs a week and actively start working towards that goal. By the way, if you think "I want to lose weight" the Law of Attraction says you will always "want to" do it and won't actually achieve it. I'm still trying to figure out specifics on what I want to do in my life right now. I've very vague in my thinking about happiness, love etc. I need to pinpoint things I want to work on and start working on it.

My daughters birthday party was a success. I can't believe it, but I did not pig out like I thought I would. I was too busy to stuff my face. I ran some games, prepared the food, served the cake and then opened presents. I gave a lot of the food away after the party so I wasn't stuck with it. Yesterday, I had a small bowl of the Mexican dip with some pretzels instead of tortilla chips. Today I had a small bowl of chip dip with the pretzels again. My husband finished the Mexican dip last night and hopefully tonight he will finish the chip dip. I am going to make another birthday cake today (today is her actual birthday) and have a small piece and give the rest away.

I have not been to the gym because my daughter is sick. I really miss it. I am struggling to make myself work out at home. I walked on my treadmill yesterday and I need to do something today. I just don't feel like it. I want to go to the gym and work out! Maybe I will feel more like working out after I make her cake. Looking at the cake and knowing how much I want a piece will make me realize that I need to work for it. I just feel like I get a much better work out at the gym instead of at home. At the gym I can just put on my head phones and work out. I can't do that at home without being interrupted. I'm hoping I will get back there by the end of the week.

I am not going to do what I did last weekend, I can promise you that. I am going to use this weekend as a "learning weekend" and I'm going to prove to myself that life can get in the way and I can still succeed.

Today was a crazy day. I took my daughter to school and started running. Days like this are tough for me. I have a ton of errands to do in 3 hours. It is so much easier to run in and out of stores when Ella is in school. However, I don't always take the time to eat. I had my go to breakfast of 2 egg whites, a high fiber English Muffin and a banana around 10 am. By the time I got to the school to pick her up, it was 3:30 and I hadn't eaten since breakfast. I was starving.

When I get like that, I think about all the things I want to eat. Pizza, cheeseburgers etc. I even called my husband and told him Ella and I were ordering pizza for dinner because he was going out with a friend. I justified it in my head saying that I still had 24 points left in the day and how bad could an innocent pizza be?

Then I started thinking about the last time I wanted to "cheat" and how proud I was of myself when I didn't do it. I remember telling myself that I still feel good (and full) after eating a healthy meal as I do when I eat "badly." I also remembered last weekend and the company coming from out of town, and how it took me ALL WEEK to get back to my "pre company" weight. A WEEK?!??!?! I asked myself if I wanted to repeat the week. If I had the pizza tonight and ate at Ella's birthday party on Sunday, I would most likely throw in the towel tomorrow too. I could potentially blow a whole weekend and end up gaining a few pounds this weekend.

I realized how silly that was. I realized how good it felt and how proud of myself I'd be if I just stood my ground and stuck with my plan. I stopped at the grocery store, bought some mushroom and make myself a very tasty shrimp stir fry. 9 points total. I feel full and proud of myself for not giving into my emotions.

This is always a tough time of the month for me. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant with no success for about 2 years now. My period is due on Monday, so these last few days of waiting are always hard. I know one reason I overeat is because we have been unable to get pregnant. It makes me feel like a failure and it's an emotional roller coaster every month. I am very thankful that I was able to get pregnant with Ella and that she's healthy and the absolute love of my life. I still get a little sad that, so far, I have been unable to give her a sibling. I also feel like time is running out. I told myself that I wouldn't keep trying after I turned 40. I turned 41 last September. I don't have it in me to give up yet, but the clock is ticking. I'm not as focused on this as I was when I was trying to get pregnant with Ella, but it still hurts every month when I realize we've failed again. At least I get to focus on the party this weekend and have my mind occupied with that.

I'm finding it difficult to exercise this week. I feel like a chicken with it's head cut off. I'm trying to get all the small details done for my daughter's 4th birthday party this weekend and I seem to be falling behind day after day, instead of actually getting ahead.

The good news is, I am back to my "pre weekend" and "pre Christmas" weight. Although I've only worked out once this week, my eating has been really clean so I haven't gained anything. Actually, I have lost. However, I think that is just the water weight I picked up from eating really bad last weekend.

Last night my husband comes home and his nose is running. I don't know if this is all men, but when he gets sick, the world stops. He can't do anything but lay around and complain. I truly believe that if men had to have babies instead of women, the human race would have died out a long time ago. The man cannot tolerate any kind of physical illness whatsoever. I just don't get it. If I had to guess, his mom took care of him each time he had so much as a sniffle and now he cannot do anything for himself when he is feeling under the weather. She is no longer alive so I cannot confirm this theory.

Even though I have dropped the ball on working out this week, I feel good. I feel like I am on track and once I get through this weekend, I will have time again to work out. This time it isn't that I don't want to do it, it's because I have all these other things to do and I feel they are more important. I guess someone would read that and say that I need to put myself first and take care of myself. I get that, and normally I would agree. However, this time I want to make this party perfect for my daughter, which will in turn make me happy. As long as I'm not gaining weight, I'm ok with taking a break this week from working out.

I also want to add that I've heard Jillian say time and time again on Biggest Loser that moms have to learn to put themselves first. That is so hard to do. When you conceive the baby, you have to watch what you eat and do to preserve the pregnancy and have a healthy baby. Then, once the baby comes out, you have to drop everything and take care of him or her. You can't tell a baby to sit quietly and wait while you work out. For about the first 2 years, you have to watch that baby to make sure they are safe and healthy. My "baby" is turing 4 and still requires a lot of attention from me. Yes, I can tell her that I'm going to work out and she can sit and watch tv now, but this is only recently that I've been able to do this. It's very difficult to suddenly turn off that switch and start thinking about yourself again, and even when you do, it's not like it was. You are always thinking about what you can do for that child that you love so much. I don't always put her first, but there are times when she comes first. That's just life. I also find it strange that Jillian is so adamant about moms taking care of themselves first and she has never had a child. She has no idea how all consuming the love is and at times, how we willingly put ourselves second or third or fourth because it makes us happy to see the people in our lives happy.

I'm not saying that moms everywhere should ignore their own needs and always do everything for everyone else. I'm just saying that it's not always that cut and dry.

I feel like I'm back on track today. I've already had a healthy breakfast and I'm going to the gym in a little bit.

This is going to sound silly, but I think my funk had to do with a book I was reading. I've been reading it for about a month. It's a great fiction novel about 2 friends who grow up together and are BFF's for life. Sounds great, right? ( I should also throw in there that I take my books with me when I go to the gym. I work out for an hour and read for the other hour my daughter gets in the daycare. I get 2 hours total a day and I try to take advantage of both hours) I've been reading this book for about a month now since I only get a few hours a day to read. When I read a book, I kind of fall into the world I am reading about. I really like to read (Twilight- YES. Harry Potter- Oh Yes) So, I'm reading this book, everything is great. Then, suddenly one of the main characters that I totally identify with gets an aggressive form of breast cancer and is dying! WTF?!?!?!? She has kids and dies! This is where I have to say that this is my biggest fear in life. My mom died when I was 13 and she was 44. (BTW, I am 41 now) Dying didn't scare me as much until I had my own baby. I am terrified of dying young and leaving her without a mom.

If I would have known this book was going to end this way, I would have never read it. Who wants to read a fiction book about something that is your biggest fear? So, I cried most of the day on Sunday because I had time to read and finish the book. Then I start thinking about what I would say to my daughter if I was dying and my husband and oh, it just went downhill from there......

Then I get up yesterday and I was up THREE fricken' pounds on the scale! HOW THE F*CK DOES THAT HAPPEN?? Is it even possible to gain THREE pounds in 2 days?!??!?!?

But, I am leaving that in the past. I am healthy and I will not die early and I will see my daughter have babies. At least that is what I am telling myself today so I will get my butt to the gym and have a healthy, long life.

Thank God it's over

That was a very long weekend. It kind of fell apart yesterday. I was very stressed out. I yelled at my BIL and I was fed up with the whole weekend so what did I do? I ate pizza. 2 pieces of pizza. I would not have eaten them if they weren't in my fridge, but they were. We had almost a whole pizza left over and my Catholic guilt will not allow me to throw it away.

I am going out to dinner with my neighbors tonight and I have every intention of ordering something healthy. I have not had much to eat because my stomach was upset today. My niece came down with a horrible case of food poisoning so I really think my mind is upsetting my stomach. Food poisoning is not contagious and I did not eat the same food she did so I should be fine.

For the first time in a long time I didn't feel like working out and I didn't. I convinced myself that I was coming down with a horrible case of food poisoning and I will actually be helping my body if I didn't work out. My body is just tired from this stressful weekend and just wanted a day off. Or my mind did. Working out probably would have helped my mental state today, but I just couldn't force myself to get on the treadmill. I'm just in one of those "blah" moods today. I'm hoping after a good nights sleep I will be back to 100% and willing to work out.