Well, my experiment was a total flop. I ended up gaining a pound. A friend told me the plan to eat when you are hungry and stop when full makes sense when you are maintaining, but to lose you need to diet. I guess she's right although I hate to admit it.

I've known for a while that I am addicted to carbs. I crave sweet things. I don't really "binge" but when I overindulge, it's with sweets. And by overindulge, I will eat 3 or 4 pieces of candy instead of one or two. I'm not one to sit down and eat a whole box of anything. I eat when I'm bored and I overeat when I let myself get too hungry.

I'm saying all of this because on Monday (famous last words) I'm going to start the South Beach diet. I've done it before, a few years ago. I re-read the introduction and it sounds like the diet for me. Here is what it says for Phase 1:

"Phase 1 is for people who have a substantial amount of weight to lose or who experience significant cravings for sugar and refined starches. During this phase, you'll jump start your weight loss and stabilize your blood sugar levels to minimize cravings by eating a diet rich in healthy lean protein (fish, chicken and lean cuts of beef), vegetables, nuts, reduced fat cheese, eggs, low fat dairy, and good unsaturated fats, such as extra virgin olive oil. You'll enjoy three satisfying meals a day, plus at least 2 snacks, and you'll even be able to have some desserts. What you won't be eating are starches (bread, pasta, and rice) or sugar (including fruit and fruit juices). While this may be hard at first, remember that in just 2 weeks you'll be adding many of these foods back into your life. Exercise during all phases is important to your overall health and will improve your results."

This sounds like exactly the type of plan I need. I'm a sugar addict and I need to break my addiction. Especially since I have such a high risk of diabetes in the future, if I don't have it already.

Something very strange is happening. Last week I stopped keeping track of my food. It began innocently enough. I had no time and I wasn't doing it on purpose. One day turned into two and two into three. You know how that goes. Then on Thursday I weighed myself and was at my lowest weight yet (since the baby was born.) I was shocked. Just watching what I ate and not stressing about it was working. I was ecstatic and surprised. Since then I have stopped keeping track. I'm not obsessing about everything I'm putting in my mouth. I am making good choices and stopping when I'm full.

Yesterday and today have been a little challenging because I feel hungrier for some reason. I'm snacking a little bit more and feel hungrier. I made ribs over the weekend and know that I had to have gained so I've decided to wait until Thursday to weigh myself again. I'm going to see if this is still working or if that was a fluke. I would really love to report that it's working and I'm going to stop thinking about everything I eat constantly. I'm just getting tired of worrying about it. I can't see living the rest of my life like this. I have to learn to control how much I eat and try to eat healthy most of the time. That's the bottom line.

Another thing I need to report is I exercised yesterday! I tried the Zumba for the Wii and I played some Just Dance 2. I HATE dancing. I hate dancing because I am not good at it. However, in the privacy of my own home and with nobody watching, it's FUN! Especially when I can dance to songs I know. The Zumba was hard. It was work. I don't think it's as fun as everyone says it is, but it beats a "regular" work out. It's something different which is always good I think. It's not something I'll do on a daily basis, but I know I worked hard for those 20 mins I did the intermediate work out. I will continue to do it.

I will report back on Thursday to say if my new "plan" is working. I really hope it does.

I am really doing well on my calorie counting diet. I've lost 7 pounds so far since Jan 1. I wish it were more, but it is what it is.

I just keep thinking about how easy it is to count calories. I don't have to pull out a calculator and figure out if I can eat something. For the most part, most of the things I eat have the calorie count on the package or I can easily figure it out.

I may have found my solution for exercise. My friend was over the other day and she brought her Just Dance 2 game for the Wii. We put it in and played and it was really a good work out and it was FUN. I honestly have never thought working out would be so much fun, but it really was. As far as the baby goes, she sat in her chair and just watched us and thought it was the funniest thing. Today I ordered Just Dance 2 and Zumba for my Wii. Between the 2 of those I should be good to go. I'm really excited to get them and start working. I should also say, I am not a dancer. I don't like to dance in front of people. However, this is just so much fun! All of the "exercise" games I have don't really excite me.

I'm certainly not where I thought I'd be going into February, but I'm doing ok. My goal is to start my gym membership in March. Flu season should be pretty much over by then and the rust of new people starting Jan 1 will have thinned out. I just have to get through this month working out at home.

This week is going to be a challenge. My daughter turns 5 on Wednesday and we will have 2 separate cakes. On her actual birthday I am getting a Cinderella cake. The top part is an actual doll and the dress is the cake. I was really happy to find out that it only feeds 4 so I won't have cake hanging around the whole week. Then next Sunday we are having a party for her at a local bowling alley. For that party I ordered a cake that actually looks like a castle. 2 days of cake will not be good for my diet. I guess I need to cut back on the other days so I won't do as much damage. My goal for this week should be maintenance.

I have been really good with tracking my calories on my phone. I input everything I eat and usually stay around 1700 calories a day. Sparkpeople says I can eat 1900-2000, but I don't ever eat that much.

I just wanted to check in and report that I'm doing well. I don't have anything exciting to report unfortunately. Have a good week!

Bye Bye Weight Watchers

Maybe not forever, but goodbye for now. I'm done with Weight Watchers for the moment. 3 days ago I started counting calories and logging my food intake on Spark People. It's free and it makes sense.

Maybe it's because I do not go to the meetings, but this new program does not make sense to me. I feel like they either got it wrong with the "old" program or have it wrong with the new one. I know they are trying to get people to eat more fruits and vegetables, but it just wasn't working for me. In almost 4 weeks I lost 4 pounds. That is just unacceptable. In the 2 full days I've been counting calories, I've lost a pound. And I know some people may say that 4 pounds is great. At least it's a loss. However, I have 50 to lose. 4 pounds in a month isn't great. Especially at the beginning of a diet. I should have lost at least 6, hopefully 8 which is 2 lbs a week. I'm not looking for Biggest Loser numbers. I'm looking for a slow and steady 2 pounds a week, realizing that I will hit plateaus along the way.

I had this little voice inside of me telling me what I was doing wasn't working and to try something else. However, I was VERY hesitant to stop Weight Watchers. Why? Is change really so horrible? I know people get all excited about the diets that work for them and think they will work for everyone, but they don't. Plain and simple. If there was one diet that worked there wouldn't be thousands of diet books out there. Maybe it was the fact that I paid money to do Weight Watchers online. I don't know, but whatever it was, I finally took the leap and for now my WW books are in a drawer as well as the new Points Plus calculator that didn't work very well to begin with.

I'm optimistic that I will succeed with calorie counting. I have not given up and I will not give up until I reach my goal. Even if I have to try 10 more diets, I will succeed.

It's over. I'm breaking up with you

You had to know this day was coming. I can't be on this emotional roller coaster any longer. It's not you, it's me.

I cannot wake up every day, take one look at you and let you ruin my day. I can't give you that much power any longer. I need to find other ways to validate my hard work. I don't need to see a number to tell me how I'm doing. I know how I'm doing. I keep hoping you're going to tell me a different story, but you can't do that. You are brutally honest with me. I appreciate that, but I can no longer take it on a daily basis.

I'm not giving up. Not me. I'm pressing on and finding new ways to check my progress. I'm going to try a measuring tape, or pay more attention to how my clothes fit. Anything but you. I'm finally realizing that a number shouldn't define my success. I know I'm doing the best I can and I've realized that I don't need you ruining that for me. I'm not letting you ruin one more minute of one more day!

I'll still stop in from time to time to check in with you. I will miss you dear scale, but not really....

I'm three weeks into the new Points Plus program and things are starting to look up. As of this morning I have lost 5 lbs. NOT what I'm used to when starting to diet (again.) I usually lose 5 lbs the first week, but I'll take it I guess.

I realized that I am not including any power foods in my meals. I have made and effort to add veggies and fruits to each meal. For instance, I would only eat a sandwich for lunch. Now I eat a sandwich and apple. Or I'd eat a breakfast sandwich for breakfast, now it's a banana and the sandwich. One big thing I've been doing is making mashed cauliflower instead of mashed potatoes. I don't really think it's a substitute, but it will do. I've found that after I'm done eating I feel the same so why not cut the calories where I can.

I'm also trying to get used to the feeling of not being full. I never allow myself to get hungry if I can avoid it, but I also don't stuff myself anymore. It's really and adjustment. I'm used to being pretty full after meals and I don't feel that anymore. It's unsettling at times. I don't even really know how to put it into words but I'm getting used to it.

One other change I've made is giving it time between eating and going for seconds. My husband was pushing me to "finish eating" the other night so he could eat (we were taking turns with the baby) and I explained to him that I wanted to give my brain time to catch up with my stomach. I did end up eating just a little bit more later, but obviously I needed it.

I have not figured out the exercise thing yet. Sigh. I wish I could just do it, but I have a great excuse with having an infant. Speaking of which, she's crying so I've gotta go.

I am feeling more positive today. I'm back down to where I was last Friday at this time. I was told to give the new program 4 weeks. I'm 2 weeks in so what's another 2 weeks? I still don't know exactly what I did to gain 3 lbs last week. That's the frustrating part. Usually I can pinpoint something I ate and can justify a gain. But not this time.

I am also going to rethink how and when I'm eating my points. I'm one of those people who save the best thing for last. If there's something on my plate that I love, I will eat everything else and save that one thing for last. Sometimes it end up biting me because I'm too full to enjoy that last thing, but it's what I do. I tend to do the same thing with my points. I don't use those "extra" weekly points (49 now with the new program) and I save them all for the last day. Right now I get 34 points a day. 49 + 39 = 88 points. I can conceivably eat 88 points in one day on this plan. How can that be good? It can't.

From now on, I'm going to take part of those weekly points and have a treat mid week. Maybe a glass of wine, or a few cookies. I will deduct them from my weekly points and not save them for the end of the week. This really is going to be a challenge for me. I like to have those banked "just in case." At least that's what I tell myself. Just in case I "need" them. Well, when is that going to be? I am the one in control of my eating. I am the one who decides what I put into my mouth. Unless I know of a party coming up, when will I ever need an emergency 20 points?

One more thing I have come to realize this week is that I am using the baby as an excuse not to work out. There are plenty of women out there that have babies and work out. I have to figure out a way to do it and just do it. I'm not going to wake up one day and the baby will miraculously be on a wonderful schedule and I can work out at the same time each day. It's not going to happen. I will tell myself "The time to work out tomorrow is 2 pm" and that's the time I would work out. However, if the baby is screaming or something comes up and 2:30 rolls around, I will say "Oh well, I missed my time to work out" and I won't do it. How screwed up is that? I have to work on being more flexible. I have to be ready to work out whenever she falls asleep.

Lots of revelations this week, but most of all I think I've realized yet again that I am the one accountable for losing weight. I have to take charge and stop playing the victim. It took me years to get this weight and it's going to take time to get the weight off.